A friend came to my house to visit me with someone I’ve never talked to. It triggered my anxiety.
I really don’t like it when people come over to my house,sometime I don’t even like my friends to visit me.
I feel embarrassed about myself.
I feel really very awkward and uneasy.
My anxiety levels go through the roof.
Its not that I don’t want to be around peoples . But whenever people come over to my place don’t know why I feel so anxious that it causes me a lot of insecurity and stress than joy.
Maybe its the fear of being judged.
I get nervous about what the other persons thinks about my living place.
I was constantly thinking when are they going to leave. Even after they left I just couldn’t stop my mind thinking.
The pressure is unbearable.
Why am I so weird?.
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4 comments
You are not weird.
Nine months ago I was trapped in a dinner with my GF, her friend, and her friend’s husband. I was miserable then and for days afterward.
Three months ago I got my head in a better place, plus regular doses of Paxil. Now I talk to strangers, steal their pets, and experiment on them.
I honestly believe it is harder to talk to strangers in our post industrial society. We threw out a bunch of notions about class and caste (good) but lost those built in schemas that made it easier to communicate.
Anyhoo, being stranger adverse is a pretty common issue. People don’t talk about it enough, in my opinion. Don’t beat yourself up. You got an issue that has to be worked around just like people with a gimpy leg can’t run and people with bad backs can’t move furniture. Just because it’s in your head doesn’t mean it’s not real.
I know but I really feel very weird about myself. It makes me feel like an alien when I see other peoples of my age are so socially active and doing all the things so easily.
I know it’s next to impossible not to compare yourself but try.
All the cool kids were having sex at age 16. I didn’t lose my virginity until 18. Most all the kids in school were wearing Izod shirts and topsider shoes and I had clothes from the thrift store. Hell, my parents got divorced in a time that was nearly unheard of. Made me feel like a freak. Everyone thought I was a weirdo because I kept trying to teach the school’s Digital PDP 8/e miniframe to play tic-tac-toe by programming it in octal. Boy, were they so right on that last one! Bwahahah.
You are in a hole and you’re young. There isn’t any perspective there. You really need perspective. I wish I could give it to you, but the world doesn’t work that way. But I can try:
You are in an ecosystem that has a continuous spectrum of people. The bright, aggressively happy ones grab everyone’s attention. But there are a bunch of people just like you that are busy keeping their heads down and wrestling with their powerful feelings of alienation. Learn to observe. Whenever someone amazing and stellar lights up the room, don’t look at them; look at the crowd. Who watches with rapt attention? Who gets cloudier when things are bright? Who turns away?
Do this for a while and you’ll get an idea of who you might want to talk to. Then slide up to them and say something honest, like, “This situation makes me feel like an alien.”
Do it often enough and you will be starting a club. That’s what I did. It didn’t make me cool. It didn’t get me in the good graces of the beautiful people. But I found MY group of MY people and we practiced our haphazard social skills on each other.
I my day, “everyone” thought comic books, sci-fi, role playing games, and dinky computers were a waste of time. And today, HA HA HA TAKE THAT YOU FUCKERS! Actually, I have no one to lord my advanced pop culture awareness over becuase they are all dead now. Oh well.
Anyway. Your club may turn out to be the coolest thing ever. Either at the time or years down the road. Who knows?
Very interesting I get the same way to sometimes I think it’s because you feel more relaxed and free not having anyone around and that you have to temporally suspend your daily activities in the house and focus on the guest when they come. And you can’t wear the clothes and do the things you do In the house like you normally do until the guest leave ontop of that in my house like my room that you saw already by itself speaks about me so I keep my door locked because I’m 26 so people will judge. Also I don’t talk much with anyone in my family besides my brother definitely not my mom but when guest comes over I gotta deal with my pain and anger and communicate with everyone even though they are the reason for this pain i suffer