Somehow, I Survived 15g of ********.

I have no idea how.

I tested it and it was pure. On a Sunday night I took a small snack and strong anti-emetics, mixed around 15g of N in water, swallowed it all, had a brandy, then another with Oramorph to hasten sleep. Then lay down peacefully to die. I was so calm.
I had a 4 stage dream and was being ripped from one to another, which was nurses bringing me round and attempting to get a response.
Eventually I focused and then felt myself slipping away- one nurse,S., was with me throughout. I felt calm and ready to go, and tried to thank her for making me so peaceful. Then I went.

And woke up with tubes down my throat and two men saying ‘dont struggle’. And I knew this was all too real.

Turns out my office had asked for a Police welfare check- they forced entry Tuesday lunchtime. Apparently they thought I was dead- I even had lividity on my right arm. But somehow I survived.

At the hospital they were testing me for brain damage when my brother arrived. They told him to expect the worst. They were amazed when my scan read perfectly normal.I’ve since read various books and papers from my library with no blank areas. Memory seems fine, as does my cognitive ability.
Although whatever they gave me caused wild vivid ‘dreams’ so that I couldnt sleep for 3 nights.

I developed pneumonia and an infection frlm a poorly placed arm tap. In my weakened condition they still had to give me powerful antibiotics. Neither of these two problems developed further.

Anazingly, I had no organ damage. In fact I recovered from the toxins caused by the high pill dosage in 24 hours instead of a few days.
They said it would take a week to walk- I did it on the third day. I was told I’d be on oxygen till New Year- I came off Christmas Eve and was discharged a week later.

I couldn’t understand how I survived for 36hrs unassisted. My brother cleaned my room and confirmed I hadnt vomited.
I asked six doctors- two said I was just very lucky, two shrugged, two ignored the question.

I lost 2 stones in as many weeks. My only lasting damage is my numb and weak right hand- they say it will heal over the next few months.
I managed to walk 5 miles 3 days after release though it drained me next day. Following week I went back to work- people commented on how unexpectedly well I looked for someone who’d been in an ICU.
Im back at the gym now and eating healthy- all my blood checks show clear and healthy levels throughout my system.

I dont know why I lived- perhaps my (dead) Mother helped- I dont know.

Im recovering- but still confused.