The Funniest Joke, The Second Installment of My Worthless Existence

January 15th, 2017by AKidWithAName

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my near-monthly shout into the void called the internet! Today, we present the second installment of a worthless piece of dog shit trying to reconcile their guilty conscience to no avail!

God, I am such a freak show. I’m not even saying this shit to be “edgy” or whatever. I am actually fucking hilarious to watch. I’ve been replaying memories of my worthless life and let me tell ya, it could win a fucking comedy award. Hok shit.

So, first, I honestly thought that my parents wanted me. Holy fuck, that was a good one. My parents? Ha. Wanting me? God, it’s like naivety on fucking steroids. Then, I wonder why the fuck I can’t ever please my fucking family. Hahahaha, God. Oh man. This is a funny joke. Do I honestly think that I’m good enough to fill their fucking standards? Ha. That’s a fucking good joke.

Next, I wonder why I don’t have friends. Maybe, it’s because I’m a fucking depressing piece of shit. Who the hell wants to be around that bullshit? Ha! Maybe it’s because I won’t fucking talk to them and shut myself down before I can let the words escape from my shitty body. Ha! For God’s sake, I won’t even tell them what’s wrong anymore! They want to help me, or at least they do the nice friend thing where they pretend to want to help me. God, I am so far beyond help. If only they knew.

Honestly, I don’t think that there are any positive traits in me. Maybe if we counted “being honest when it comes to bitching and complaining about life” then I would have a single positive thing. Until then, I’m stuck shouting into this void, pretending like people actually read this shit. God, if I were them, I wouldn’t read this list of fucking complaints. They aren’t even good complaints. I won’t even back them up with support, like we’re all taught to do in the fucking schools, probably because I’m too fucking stupid and too much of a fucking coward.

I’ve been given a wicked fucking great life. Literally, if I weren’t in the equation, everything would be perfect. If I just didn’t exist, then life would be great for everyone and there would be one less worthless heap of rotting flesh to pick up after I die. Honestly, what the hell do I think I’m doing. I can’t even be fucking responsible for my actions anymore. Correction: won’t. I could do so much good and be a great person, I’m sure, if I just took my head out of my fucking ass and started fucking trying to stop being fucking shit.

Haha, maybe the funniest part of this all is that people actually thinknI’m intelligent or have a fucking future. Someone told me the fimunniest thing in the world the other day, and I had to contain my laughter. I was talking about how I’ll never go to college and I was told that I’m one of the people who is smart enough to just fucking skip college and still be successful in life.

Hahahaha! Oh God, that one gets me every time. People honestly thinking that I have a future ahead of me. God. I must be one hell of a liar if they believe that fucking bullshit. The fact the people even see me as living long enough to be successful might just be the funniest part out of all of this.

I almost forgot to add something relaly fucking hilarious: I did end up going back to cutting. God, I set myself up for that shitstorm of a habit again. Whoo. I actually thought I had fucking kicked that habit. What a fucking joke! Oh man, I am actually fucking worthless. Good on me for screwing myself over for the entertainment of absolutely fucking no one. Maybe the void thinks it’s funny. That thing Nietsche said about the void staring back at me when I’m staring at it, maybe the void can laugh, too. If it can, I bet it’s laughing its ass off now. I know I am.

Well, if you’ve ever read through one of my lists of complaints, you know that I’m all talk and I’m way too much of a fucking coward to actually kill myself. That’s good. That means there will be plenty more for me to laugh at. Dear God. I am truly the most worthless being on thid earth. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll get killed. Oh dear God, that would be fucking hilarious. Can we all just take a moment and imagine my body getting slammed by a fucking car? Hahaha. Oh God. What would make it priceless would be if the car didn’t even stop and just kept going. Oh God, my body would just fly over the fucking car and land face-first on the ground. Hahah!

Well, I hope this provided as many laughs for you as it did for me.

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