Hello friends. If anyone has suggestions on how to at least cope with the persistent pain of being alive when you don’t want to be, it’d be most welcome. Or just feel free to share whatever’s on your mind. I have gotten to the point of drawing nooses in my course syllabus. You know, like an emo high school MCR fan, except I’m 22 and too old for this juvenile behavior. I’ve gotten to the point beyond tears, where all that remains is a constant dull ache in the chest. Like I’m lugging around weights. I hate going to school, but all other avenues in life (including working) also seem to be awful. My mom would never accept my suicide because she’s religious, so I’m stuck in this hell. Well, let’s not blame it on her entirely; let’s just say I’m too ***** to do it anyway. I wish my country had welfare. Anyway, whether I leave school or not, I’m going to be in this pain for at least a while, it seems. It’s hard to imagine 60 more years of this.
Don’t have kids, fam, it perpetuates this madness.