Hi
I am a 41year old total loser who is really at the end of my rope. Im sure Im going to do myself in before the year’s end.
I am isolated, totally alone and too mentally ill to be around people.
I was abused as a child, kicked out as a youth, but against all odds I managed to start a family and build a home. Then my partner left me for a guy 9 years younger than me and so I lost my home and family.
Its been years of me feeling like this, and nothing seems to help There is no hope Im going to get better.
4 comments
I’m really sorry to hear you are feeling that way. I can completely relate to being isolated, and especially being too mentally ill to be around other people. I was abused as a child too, and became socially isolated from others at an early age. I know what it feels like to be kicked while you are down.
Hi mountaingoat,
I am the same age as you, and I too feel sometimes that the better part of my life has already gone by, what’s there to live for? I too am alone, unemployed, money is not really in abundance as it should be so I know the desperate situation you feel your in to some degree.
I read your previous posts. I don’t think you are a pathetic loser, you’ve certainly accomplished way more than I ever have! So I am wondering now …..what does that make me? Lol
I am sorry to hear about losing your home, and kids, and you’re break up. It must be difficult to go through that all at once, but I think you have strength you haven’t tapped into yet. You got over your alcolism which isn’t easy to do considering alcohol is everywhere. I am glad the ibogaine experience helped you there, but it still takes a lot of courage and strength to deal with any addiction head on and get clean and sober.
Maybe you should try another medication to alleviate some of the anxiety you are feeling.
I don’t know how I feel about suicidal people and their afterlife… I tend to think it’s not much different than any natural death. I think we would be forgiven the so called sin of taking one’s own life. I don’t think we are deemed to a life in hell or anything like that…. but who knows?
Have you ever read the book Proof of Heaven? It’s written by a neurosurgeon named Dr Eben Alexander, who is well educated and well respected about his near death experience and he was in a coma for a while, a week or two. No it’s not about suicide at all, but he goes very in depth about what the afterlife is like and everything he experienced about it and (being a brain surgeon) how medically there are no explanations for what he experienced given his illness and condition. I found it fascinating and it may give you some peace about what happens after we die.
I think you can turn things around, there is still time. Just gotta dig deep again like you did getting over your addiction. The strength is there in you. Just gotta fight for it. I know it’s exhausting, I am struggling too some days. But if you were happy once, I think it’s possible to be happy again. I hope you try.
mountaingoat,
You know i’ve felt that way several times but i always manage to make it! against all odd’s, when the chips were down, when luck ran out, when i felt there was no escape, i survived.
Sometimes you have to just give in, not to death but to circumstances, and relax.
I myself find i’m in another impossible position but as always i will live, i’ll roll up my sleeves take a deep breath and deal with life and make lemon-aid out of lemons.
We know life isn’t easy and it’s always one mountain after another but we do survive.
take the time to enjoy the thing’s you like, TV, cooking, what ever, take it one day at a time, it’s just another battle you can do it.
Mountaingoat : You make me feel less alone. You and others. You’re 41 and I couldn’t have imagined myself ever living upto that age. I feel your pain. If everything goes well I’ll off myself soon. It’s an agonising world.