I’m 55. I can’t believe my love of my life doesn’t want me anymore. Been 17 months. Things have improved during the separation, but I can’t see a future without the one love of my life. Not that I’m even attracted to him, but I made a commitment…thought we could work things out. He’s in his whimy, schizo-whatever, and youthful exploration. I’m older, ready to hold on to anything at the end of everything. His saying, but I live by it. LIfe seems so empty. I thought I had a lot to offer, but seemingly no one wants it. All lives end; and mine may end very soon. That’s okay, apparently. Much as I’d like some other glorious options.
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If I may … I am in your demographic … when someone whom we “feel” is/was the “love of our life” leaves us … it confirms exactly one fact … they were NOT the “love of our life”. No matter how much we shared prior to the moment of their departure. The REAL “love of our life” would not give up on an enduring love like that. Any “commitments” made to that person become null and void when that person voluntarily chooses to end a relationship and break those commitments.
It surely sucks, I’ve been there many times … but the first true “love of our lives” should be ourselves … when our relationship(s) end, we have an opportunity to rediscover our true self and remove the baggage that we carried on behalf of our former partner – it’s usually a surprisingly large load of crud, ways we think, ways we act/behave etc. … all stuff we can chuck into the dustbin of history … we’re liberated again to be nothing but the person we were and/or choose to be with no one else to bias our thoughts and beliefs. It’s only then that we truly discover what it is that we have to offer others … our TRUE selves, not a biased collage of part us and part our former partner.
My dad always told me “I don’t ever want to be somewhere where I’m not wanted” … it took me quite some time to truly appreciate what that meant.
Take some time to rediscover your true self … not the self that includes your former partner in the calculation … but the self that exists as if that former partner never existed … be patient and mindful that your thoughts in this search are truly sanitized of your former partner’s influence … it takes time … but focus on making YOU be the YOU that you want to be …the you you’d be proud to be … in time, new potential partners will see the new original, untainted confident you and they will be curious, interested, if not outright pursuant.
But try to reconstruct a “you” that is a stand alone, independent version of you so that a partner is a choice, not a requirement.
I feel confident you can do this … enjoy your new freedom and independence – do what make you happy for YOU without the need for validation from anyone else. The world is a fantastic place full of joys and wonders outside the box we create to keep ourselves inside of.
all the best – look forward to seeing/hearing your bloom 🙂
experienced dawg