An update

It’s been three years since I almost died after spending too much time on this website when I was extremely mentally unwell. I had ordered heroin from the darknet in an attempt to reduce my suffering if I gathered the courage to jump from a high rise or into oncoming traffic. The substance arrived in an unstamped envelope and almost killed me. It wasnt heroin and did nothing but cobstrict my lungs and try to shut down my brain, which makes me think it was either the government or local paramilitaries responsible for the attempted murder. I’ve suffered incredibly poor health since then through trouble breathing, chest pain and heart problems, enlarged tongue and coughing that won’t stop. I realise that i was lost and looking for relief, and now that ive seen it i wouldnt wish death on anyone because it offers only pain and loss of opportunity. In a way I deserve whats happened, I remember at the time writing to cancer research and telling them I wish someone would give me cancer… well i guess i got my wish. I could’ve enjoyed a long life but I wasted it like every opportunity. There are times I crave revenge but I think murdering others is one thing I could never do. I think death is my only chance for peace now but even physically and mentally sick i can never give in.