Hello old friends

Hello old friends! It’s been a while since I’ve heard from any of you! I hope you all are healing at the very least. That’s something I’ve been trying to do.

Ive learned a little in the last 6 months since my post.

I still live at home (being I turned 18 about a couple months ago) and I would say I only talk to my father for about 5 minutes every week. Don’t be sad for me, though. It just wasn’t meant to work out I suppose.

It’s just so strange- it all is coming together. Back in elementary school I was too scared to ask to go to the bathroom several times and went in my chair. I would sometimes go days without saying anything and they thought there was something wrong with me because of that. They pointed at me with all these words they had for me. Aspergers they called me. They even thought I had a speech disorder. Then, they thought I was plain stupid.

To this day, I still have that problem. No one believing in me because they don’t think I’m smart enough.  I don’t even think I am.

I’ve started to get angry at the loneliness. 18 years of being alone. And many more to come.  I think people see it more now how angry I am. And I think it scares them

But I’m alive. And I laugh every now and then and smile. I suppose my emptiness is just the same as anyone else’s, it’s normal. Who am I to complain when there are so many so much worse off?

but still I long for more. A life where I’m happy.

But I guess all that just wasn’t meant to be.

Hope you all are having a good night and I send my love to each and every one of you. Goodnight, my friends. I love you all. Have faith.