It’s so difficult. I’m not sure where to begin. It could be way worse, which is how I console myself. I have two trusting loving friends and a great relationship. At the same time I can’t reveal how I truly feel to anyone. At one point (recently) I began taking anti-depressants and sleeping aids, only to feel okay at first but slowly regressing. I eventually got off of them. I hope to find some source of hope through this website. Or at least a place where I can let out some of my feelings.
That’s the background. What I’m going through right now is a bit more tricky (in my mind). A year ago this month was the last time I’d have seen my rapist. This month is also the month I’d find out my youngest sibling is struggling with a mental disability. It is also the month where it’d be confirmed my parent is having an affair and that he has impregnated the other woman. Our finances have fallen to pieces as of late, and getting through school is just becoming more and more difficult.
I am trying to keep myself together to keep a brave face for my siblings. It’s so hard not being able to really tell anyone how I feel. I feel so emotionally and physically drained everyday. I already know that suicide is not an answer (thanks to my therapist). I just can’t cancel the idea from my head. Does life really have to be this way? Is it all a bad dream? Is this bad karma? I just don’t find permenant happiness in anything. I’ve lost my trust in everything and I just need something to keep me going.
1 comment
Happiness is never permanent…. not for anyone I’m afraid. It comes and goes so to chase it as a be all and end all is pointless. You are only serving to frustrate yourself.