Innocence

It had been a while since I’ve allowed myself to resurface until tonight. It happens every once in a while. There comes a point where I desperately want to feel it again despite the fact that I live in a world full of evil. I did just that tonight. I allowed myself to be this way tonight. I remembered my past and I didn’t focus too much on the negatives of the past. I remembered what my mind was like back then. I remember not knowing many realities. At the time I still hadn’t discovered what violence really looked like. I didn’t know things like war existed. I didn’t know about the attacks that happened on September 11, 2001. I think this is why I think of my past as the good old days. I think this is why I feel so sad nowadays. I didn’t even realize this until just now. Evil was existent in my life since day 1. It kind of shocks me when I think about how often I would wander around by myself in places where no child should be alone. I now know how fortunate I am. At the time I felt like everything was fine and apparently it was because I’m still around but if I had known then what I know now, I would’ve never hung around places like that. I get the chills just thinking about where I used to hang around by myself.