its not easy

i know i havent been on in forever…. its because ive been busy with my life. i finally stop cutting after four fuckn years.. yet I just started to cut again but I finally got someone who cares I fell into to depression once again . I started smoking weed everyday and drinking every weekend and I didn’t give a fuck about anything but there’s this girl who is helping me sooo much but it’s like I still wanna cut .. I still wanna smoke and I still wanna drink and I still wanna die and I still want to just get away from this life ?