I just ordered my sleeping pills for the first time. I have been feeling xtremely suicidal after I lost my job and seeing the love of my life married to someone else. I have a feeling that there is nothing I do to screw things up but it somehow gets it’s own way out there. I have failed relationships in the past and it took me years to get back to a normal life (though I was stressed out of the “worthless” feeling Everyday). I stopped talkin to my friends as they keep saying the same crap that “things will get better” and the ‘shallow talk’ that I can’t imagine hearing anymore. I have been in this state of depression and lonliness for ten years now. Now I’m in the middle of nowhere and feel completely worthless. Most of us face these situations I understand I just can’t put it in words. Ive been strong for a very long time and I’m broken and damaged that I want to give up. Every Friend I see has something to hold on to or feel supportive or be happy about despite the problems they face. But I just don’t have anything like them. Ppl around me say they have no words to console me cuz they have been watching my life’s getting worse every single day. I wish the pills take me off that I never have to face this betraying selfish world that makes me a loser every single day.