Take me away

Alcoholic, what makes one an alcoholic per say. I consider myself one. But only when I’m having major depression. Once I start hidding bottles is when I go back to aa, (although soon I’ll be living alone so I suppose I won’t have to hide them) at aa I never followed the big book I just go to get my mind out of wanting to drink all the time. Because a bottle of jack a night gets expensive shit a bottle of vodka a night also expensive. And when I tend to drink alone I tend to try and end myself in a stupid way like with the wrong type of rope or cutting in the wrong place or taking pills that have no affect on me whatsoever. I do know how to self control when I want to tho, I’ll have a glass of wine with my nightly pills. Some would also call me a prescription junkie but I don’t think I am just take a lot of pills cause I have a lot of pain and my body doesn’t accept pills as a normal persons body. Morphine is the only drug I’ve found that makes my back tolerable. On another note I was addicted to meth but I got off that years ago although going back to it sometimes crosses my mind cause I think the right amount I could od pretty easy, then there’s Heroin, I show major signs of self control as the one and only time I did it although the high was amazing the come down sucked and I never had the desire to do it again. I’ve tried for years to block out my pain with alcohol and drugs sadly they never really worked. hey junkie wanted here lmao jk! But damn that woulda made a good username.