Yes wanted I am right there with you. I am wanting to go this weekend. I have had enough and the voices and the crying and the loneliness and the fact that I might have a condition that is only going to allow me to mentally to be alive for another 6 to 10 months and physically until my body gets out scares me worse than wanting to end it myself on my terms.
I’m sorry missingmy3hearts i truly hope you find peace. I’m waiting till I move into my apartment so I can die in peace for sure alone with no interruptions, I’ve put it off so long I don’t if I can handle much more voices I hear them tears they come at night and I hate feeling the way I’ve felt honestly for years but intensified so much more in the last month. I care so much for how other people feel that I’m scared I’ll wuss out again.
I have the dumpy place that is empty and feels so cold. I sit in here and rot away hoping I can get enough courage to end it. I am hoping it is getting closer because I cannot take this much longer.
I read some of your back stories and they are so horrible and probably what I did to my wife minus the hitting part. I never wanted to end it with her but I also wanted us to get help to find out how to fix it.
Now it is beyond broken and there is only one way I know how to fix it. Plus I do not have much choice in what is going to happen to me anyway.
Missingmyhearts I’m not gonna sit and tell you it’s gonna be ok things will work out blah blah blah cause that’s not what you wanna hear and I understand that my friends tell me that and I’m just like yeah maybe but probably not cause I don’t feel anymore other than pain and sadness I smile I can laugh cause that’s what I’m trained to do as a human.
So my words for you are mistakes were made. You owned up to them I’m sure she couldn’t forgive or forget and yes that sucks but unfortunately that’s life sometimes we do things we can’t take back and they ruin us literally ruins us. I hope you do find peace weather it be ending it or not.
There are so many things I did that I wish I could take back, what if I had never given that guy a ride would my life have turned out different? Had I left my ex first black eye would I have been happier? Idk cause I’m an idiot and instead of saying bye I said no not the face only where it can’t be seen when I go around people stomach preferably sometimes it was the back of the head and the wall the side of the head whatever as long as no one notices and I let it happen for 11 years. Did I leave? No and that was my fault, my stupidity. Would I be happier if I had left him maybe but like I said we all make mistakes we can’t take back all we can do is make our choice now. Live with the depression that MIGHT get better for a little while but will most likely come back. Or say bye but possibly hurt someone else in the process. Idk that’s the ONLY reason I’m still here is because I have nephews and a Neice that mean the world to me cause I can’t have kids so I have a really close bond with them. Ok I rambled enough pretty much life sucks and only we have the choice in where we get the peace from
I’m with wnted85 on that however my uncle who has come to USA from a foreign country who I have not seen in over 14 years has arrived he’s good and everything no troubles but I am fighting with my self inside to pretend everything is OK.
I run an in home daycare with my mother and it’s so hard 7-6 Monday-Friday I wear a fake smile and pretend to be ok then the weekends I can just sit there and be sad and cry and not worry about anyone else seeing it
13 comments
Trying to make it through another day, pretending to be ok.
Can’t stop pretending?
No. I can’t or more so I won’t stop pretending
same here. Just trying to survive each day. some days are better than others.
Yes wanted I am right there with you. I am wanting to go this weekend. I have had enough and the voices and the crying and the loneliness and the fact that I might have a condition that is only going to allow me to mentally to be alive for another 6 to 10 months and physically until my body gets out scares me worse than wanting to end it myself on my terms.
I’m sorry missingmy3hearts i truly hope you find peace. I’m waiting till I move into my apartment so I can die in peace for sure alone with no interruptions, I’ve put it off so long I don’t if I can handle much more voices I hear them tears they come at night and I hate feeling the way I’ve felt honestly for years but intensified so much more in the last month. I care so much for how other people feel that I’m scared I’ll wuss out again.
I have the dumpy place that is empty and feels so cold. I sit in here and rot away hoping I can get enough courage to end it. I am hoping it is getting closer because I cannot take this much longer.
I read some of your back stories and they are so horrible and probably what I did to my wife minus the hitting part. I never wanted to end it with her but I also wanted us to get help to find out how to fix it.
Now it is beyond broken and there is only one way I know how to fix it. Plus I do not have much choice in what is going to happen to me anyway.
Missingmyhearts I’m not gonna sit and tell you it’s gonna be ok things will work out blah blah blah cause that’s not what you wanna hear and I understand that my friends tell me that and I’m just like yeah maybe but probably not cause I don’t feel anymore other than pain and sadness I smile I can laugh cause that’s what I’m trained to do as a human.
So my words for you are mistakes were made. You owned up to them I’m sure she couldn’t forgive or forget and yes that sucks but unfortunately that’s life sometimes we do things we can’t take back and they ruin us literally ruins us. I hope you do find peace weather it be ending it or not.
There are so many things I did that I wish I could take back, what if I had never given that guy a ride would my life have turned out different? Had I left my ex first black eye would I have been happier? Idk cause I’m an idiot and instead of saying bye I said no not the face only where it can’t be seen when I go around people stomach preferably sometimes it was the back of the head and the wall the side of the head whatever as long as no one notices and I let it happen for 11 years. Did I leave? No and that was my fault, my stupidity. Would I be happier if I had left him maybe but like I said we all make mistakes we can’t take back all we can do is make our choice now. Live with the depression that MIGHT get better for a little while but will most likely come back. Or say bye but possibly hurt someone else in the process. Idk that’s the ONLY reason I’m still here is because I have nephews and a Neice that mean the world to me cause I can’t have kids so I have a really close bond with them. Ok I rambled enough pretty much life sucks and only we have the choice in where we get the peace from
I’m with wnted85 on that however my uncle who has come to USA from a foreign country who I have not seen in over 14 years has arrived he’s good and everything no troubles but I am fighting with my self inside to pretend everything is OK.
I run an in home daycare with my mother and it’s so hard 7-6 Monday-Friday I wear a fake smile and pretend to be ok then the weekends I can just sit there and be sad and cry and not worry about anyone else seeing it
I’m at total peace. Everything’s in place.
I just spotted a UFO up in the sky, and I looked down to see an ant.
I feel strange.
I dont know if you wanna know how I’m doing but here’s it.
Can’t think or feel and lost some more of my memory. Managed to type.