2nd Time I Intend To Get It Right!

I actually survived an overdose of N. And I have no intention of going through that ICU nightmare again.

3 months later people comment on how well I look- I hit the gym in January- I could barely walk a mile- and since I lost 2 stone in 2 weeks I decided to push myself. People say I look fitter every time they see me.

All my blood work is clear and no brain damage despite lying in a coma for 2 days and having strong lividity- its a minor miracle I didnt lose my arm. Incredibly, I’ve come out healthier than before it.
Psych Evaluation decided I wasnt depressed in the classical sense, nor mentally ill.

Friends and colleagues have rallied round me and my brother was a tower of strength.

So, I have a new, healthier look, new outfits, new glasses, new attitude. Good job, nice house, money.

Interestingly, I spent a Saturday with a PUA to test my confidence- I approached 7 women: and got 7 good conversations. Apparently this is excellent for a first timer.

But I still want to die- I still think its best to get out on top. Life is too much of a compromise.

I fell for a colleague but knew it couldnt work- yet it still bothers me. It sums up how what Im offered is always compromised.
She sums up all thats wrong throughout my Life- and I have had my fill.

I have had the hassle of Bitcoin to purchase S.(yes, the ‘Holy Grail’) and this time 3000mg with alcohol definitely will do it- though I may add something else.

Though Im Thankful for the efforts of everyone, including medical staff, I truly was happy at the thought of dying.

I dont want to exist here or anywhere else- I just want to cease to exist.

I still think its a rztional choice- at least Im getting out on top.