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BPD and struggling.

by Elliot97

Recently I’ve been struggling alot and went to a psychiatrist.

He stated I show signs of ADHD, BPD, BiPolar and depression. Yeah that’s great he has narrowed it down…

He diagnosed me with BPD in the end, and I’m to undergo DBT. I’ve had CBT in the past and it did nothing to me. I don’t know what else i’m to do, really.
I’ve read alot here that people call BPD an asshole disorder and such… Yet I still go at my life trying to understand people and such yet 80% of the time, it’s not logical or even understandable. I’ve been becoming more and more out of touch with reality and have began questioning if such things have happend or if I’m seeing/imagining things.

I just don’t get what I’m meant to do anymore. Let me leave.

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braiNsane 3/17/2017 - 4:43 pm

I understand. I never got a diagnosis, I’m scared of what they would say.

You know what? I bet you’re super sensitive and emotional? That can be helpful sometimes, to other people. Maybe you see more? Who knows? Not me.

Don’t let a diagnosis alone bum you out

Elliot97 3/17/2017 - 4:48 pm

I don’t even consider myself sensitive or emotional per say.

He specifically said that I have something making me feel this way when I honestly don’t, I can be sat playing a game or going for a shit and suddenly depressed. I dunno, I wanted closure but seems I just got more questions.

braiNsane 3/17/2017 - 7:04 pm

You can’t remember anything from your past (maybe childhood) that was too much to bare?

Foxglove7 3/17/2017 - 8:25 pm

Elliot97 – consider this. Axis I: All psychological diagnostic categories except mental retardation and personality disorder. Axis II: Personality disorders and mental retardation. Axis III: General medical condition; acute medical conditions and physical disorders. Axis IV: Psychosocial and environmental factors contributing to the disorder.
“Personality Disorders” are considered Axis II, along with mental retardation. That is not a stab at you, but an indicator of where psychologists/psychiatrists are coming from with their diagnoses. They group personality disorders alongside retardation on the assumption that something about the persons personality/psychosocial patterns have not developed properly, and that this will resist change. It’s not untrue, but they really really really like having something to put on the Axis I line(axis I covers mood disorders and other identifiable psychiatric conditions, including those caused by medical conditions like illness/surgery and dementia). When they have nothing to put on the Axis I line, which requires very clear diagnostics, they usually look for a personality disorder, and BPD has become a very common diagnosis. Try not to read too much into it. If DBT helps, do it. If it does not, advocate for yourself and find something else. Just don’t take it personally. It seems like BPD is especially popular with psychiatrists and young fresh-out-of-college psychologists, and I actually had a psychologist at one time(in a large outpatient program) who diagnosed ALL of her patients with BPD. She was new there and just added that to everyone’s Axis II, even people who’s Axis II had been blank for years. Then we all had to go to her DBT group suddenly…..

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/17/2017 - 9:22 pm

Bi-Polar II here. I have spans of time where I’m not even in touch with reality, not remotely so. I have spans of time where I am what folks call normal. I have spans of time when I become so depressed I can’t move. Spans of time where I am so paranoid and psychotic that I delete all my emails and begin scrubbing all contact with everyone from my life, toss out artwork, burn writing. Bi-Polar II can be just a trainwreck.

I also work full time and have just about my whole life. I have some measure of success in my personal and professional life. It isn’t the end. But it can cause all sorts of mayhem. Occasionally I just embrace the crazy because why the fuck not right?

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/17/2017 - 9:26 pm

What Im trying to say is that it is a label, like any other label. It is what you choose to do with the label that navigates the river you ride on. I’m not serving up platitudes here either. I park here for hours at a time when I lose touch with reality. It is the about the only thing that stopped me from being hospitalized this time last year. I spend days upon days delusional and painting and writing and posting and folks here just rode the terrifying wave with me.

At one point I pitched a tent in my living room and decided to live there for the weekend. No I’m not 7 years old. It just made sense. I was convinced there were people spying on me through my computer and I deleted all my email accounts and all my posts here, wiped everything clean. I came to about four days later and it took me weeks to shed the paranoia and feel level again. I have the fine folks here to thank. If not for them I’d likely be dead.

Hazy Day Sunflower 3/17/2017 - 9:30 pm

Which is why if you look at my history there are no posts prior to April. I erased all the crazy shit. There is still crazy shit it is just less so than leading up to that. So post away. Post crazy shit. Vomit all over the website. Scream. No one is going to censure you. BiPolar isn’t an asshole diagnosis, it is lonely and crazy as shit and embarassing. It is addicting and depressing. Still welcome to the site. I’m here today, it’s better than buying a gun.

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