I have started to hear things, see things that to other people may be disturbing.
I think people talk about me when I walk by them, people laugh at me, are they? I don’t know. Why shouldn’t they, I am troubled and everyone can see it.
Everything is hard, and everything has always been hard, 3 months ago I would have said ther was a tiny bit of hope, but then surely I was destroyed again. I have gone through a traumatic experience that has altered my course in life and now there is no turning back.
I ask myself everyday why I am still here, going through each day, just hanging by a thread.
Biding my time, until the time is right.
I am losing my mind. Maybe I never had one to begin with. Maybe I am not even real. Maybe this post isn’t real. I need to get out of here.
I am so trapped and alone.
This world is hell.
4 comments
What do you want?
Are the things that you hear and see the people that are talking and laughing about you, or is it other things?
O and I can assure you that you’re real and that this post is real. I read and commented on this, and I’m most definitely not a figment of your imagination. Also, maybe try to find an answer to your daily question of why you’re here. Maybe the answer can help you to go forward, and away from this awful state.
Aye, you’re buried under way too much stress and pain.
I’ve had similar episodes myself. It terrifies me when it happens, I feel like my mind just keeps splitting and that I will never be able to place it back together. I ask myself how long I had been in that disassembled state for, which panics me even more when I can’t find an answer. I wonder who I even am anymore. Then I feel lost, alone, and tangled inside of myself. I feel desperate to escape, like a caged animal. I fear people can see it all over me when it happens, and that they think I am crazy. I start thinking their all judging me, that I am a joke.
I was the one that put myself in those states though, you have had outside circumstances/events trigger it (from what I’ve read). I hope you can find some peace of mind at some point. Have you considered reaching out for help, or do you not want help? The choice is yours.
Lilxtina : Hey friend 🙂 maybe you remember me from previous post. This reply will not make you feel better but I thought you’ll feel less alone in this hell hole of public spaces if i replied and shared what I think..They are in fact laughing those people actually do talk. Everyone. No exceptions … each and everyone I feel is looking at me its as if the spotlight is fixed upon me from the moment I step out in the light. They can read my thoughts because Im so damn easy to read.. many will talk about me at their homes and others who have not seen me(if any) will know about me when their friends tell them. I have been to places and have had my name called out by young college going girls and boys. I saw them even laughing at me and this is a mechanical universe some of us are real rest of the world is not. These robots we see with flesh are from a different zone evil and one day we both will know the big reality behind such harassments we are facing. But till then I might not be alive. It is unbelievable. And the most unbelievable thing is when you go to someone explaining these things how they shut you off. Our problems will not be acknowledged because this world wants us dead so they can rule robotically.
This entire place is fucked. So fucked that every event that occurs is a potential reason for committing suicide.
I feel from the deep of my heart.