My delusions are all that is keeping me here. The stubborn refusal to face reality. The insistence that somehow I can overcome all the insurmountable barriers to peace and happiness. That I can ignore all that has come before, every piece of evidence my mind has gathered over the years.
When all else fails, stick you fingers in your ears, close your eyes, and rush repeatedly at the wall screaming manically, until you pass out.
8 comments
The barriers are mostly fear, discomfort and uncertainty, aren’t they?
The reason I keep suffering is that at the end of the day, I keep doing the same dumb shit, reinforcing my own crappy life experience.
Those are at the base of it, yes. Unfortunately I’ve taken those significant obstacles and built an additional layer of insurmountable wall on top, with razor wire.
Most of the time, I do the same dumb shit, and suffer as a result. Sometimes, I stop for a while and try to change my ways. Then the suffering often increases, as I realize that even when I try there’s no realistic hope.
^This. I seem to do this as well.
Man I just want folks to pull a fraction of their weight. At this point in my SAF existence my bar is set mighty low.
Sounds like a reasonable expectation. But you do have to remember that some people are just shit. This has been proven by science. Hell, I’m a prime example.
BTW love the idea of running at a wall till I pass out. Fuckers keep reviving me though. I say leave me the hell alone. Out cold at least my dreams are pleasant. Reality is way over rated lately.
That last sentence is incredible. I completely agree.
Also: If you want to live, hang on to those delusions. They have their own downsides, but rationality will kill you.
Man I love my delusions. When I come to I always think, “now where did that come from” because it certainly didn’t feel like it came from me.