don’t worry I know. I am attracted to things that hurt. It’s happened since I was little. I didn’t like it then or now. I want to be whole.
Don’t worry, everyone will be safe. I just want it all to go away.
1 week ago • General
Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:12:50
Sorry, but I’ll have to call bullshit on at least one of your statements. You were most definitely not attracted to things that hurt when you were little. You didn’t ask (god I hate that phrase) for that to happen. You weren’t looking for it. Also, it isn’t all your fault. It’s simply impossible.
And If I may ask, what do you mean with everyone will be safe?
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Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:15:18
I’m not going to fuck anyone over. I just want to be left alone.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:17:57
I was always attracted to things that hurt, because when I was little I didn’t get attention really, except for stuff my father would do. I didn’t know it was wrong until I KNEW it was wrong. Then it still happened, and it hurt. My mother was “oblivious”. I wonder how much she was actually blind to, or if it was by choice
Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:23:49
Sorry that I jumped to this post, it seemed pertinent.
I didn’t get a lot of attention either, that doesn’t mean you were attracted to things that hurt. Kids aren’t supposed to know that what happened to you is wrong. That’s just how things are. Most kids are by nature innocent. We only slowly, through getting older, realize these things. When you knew that it was wrong, there was nothing you could have done. And I’m achingly sorry about that. There was simply nothing you could have done. Your mother was a coward, and turned a blind eye. Your only option was, thus, cut off. So, please don’t tell me that you were attracted to things that hurt. I don’t believe that.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:31:46
there is more… It happened after with someone. I put myself in a shit situation, I tried to avoid it but went anyway. I just want it to go away. I hurt people that care about me and I hurt myself by being there. I just want it to go away.
I’m not a good person. I shouldn’t have been there at all.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:37:57
It was rough, and I didn’t say anything, just played along while a huge part of me was scared of the brutality/strength used. I dissociated, and after just stayed in that state until the next morning. I’m an asshole. I’m an idiot. I’m still in pain. I let it happen. It’s my fault. Per usual, craving attention/wanting to feel loved. Like I said, I should be happy with the love available to me, it’s safe . My fault
Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:42:51
…Yes, you told me. However, that was after your awful childhood. An awful foundation was already laid. What happened to you that second time wasn’t your fault as well. You can’t take on the blame because you put yourself in a shitty situation, that’s absurd. The blame lies with the perpetrator. Exactly, you tried to avoid it, but it happened, and I’m truly sorry that it did. It wasn’t your fault. Of course you want it to go away. There’s so much hurt that you carry around with you, and that can spill over to other people. Try to handle that tremendous pain. Forget about what effect it can have on others, and focus on dealing with it.
What happened to you doesn’t make you a bad person. Yes, maybe you shouldn’t have been there, but what happened to you shouldn’t have happened regardless of that fact.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:39:23
I almost moved in with this person when things were going south here… It’s my fault. I am often attracted to people who will dominate
Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:47:47
Are you sure it isn’t the opposite? They are attracted to you because they see someone that has vulnerabilities. Maybe it’s time that you made these kinds of asshole think twice.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 17:48:43
Sweet Jesus, *”kind of assholes”.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 18:11:13
I’m the asshole, because I went along with it, and then had an issue with it after. I’m the asshole. Trust me
Mar 20, 2017 @ 18:12:24
I never said stop, I watched from far back as it all went down. I had drank a little too, but that’s not an excuse.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 18:14:02
I even watched as I did stuff.
It’s me. I’m just disgusting sometimes. Especially when it comes to wanting to be cared about, and sex is often wrapped up in that
Mar 20, 2017 @ 18:24:16
You didn’t say stop and watched from far back because you dissociated. You turned back into that little girl in your memories. And yes, the alcohol wasn’t the main thing, but it definitely didn’t help the situation.
Yes, because you’ve warped sex with affection and being cared for, and we both know why. Sex can definitely be those things, and far more, but only with the right person. Also, those things you can experience without sex. Like I said, you’re looking in the wrong places for affection and being cared for. Hell, like I also said, a person shouldn’t actually be actively looking for those things. More often than not, they’ll find their way to you.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 18:49:51
I hate it, and I hate myself for being a part of it.
I’m angry with myself. I feel like ripping my hair out and ripping my skin off. Being bodiless
Mar 20, 2017 @ 19:06:01
It’s good that you hate it, but don’t hate yourself for this. That won’t achieve anything. Use the hate for it to try and cut it out of your life.
I’m truly sorry that you feel like this. It’s understandable that you want to be bodiless. This is super out of left field, but maybe this scientific fact will make you feel better. The human body’s cells are continuously being replaced. After seven years, the vast majority of your cells have been replaced. Thus, from a scientific standpoint, you have a new body. One that’s untouched by both pieces of shit. Anyway, sorry if this was just a useless and utterly random fact.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 19:08:24
I am aware of that fact. It’s just my mental shit… If only that would “refresh” itself after however many years
Mar 20, 2017 @ 19:12:51
That is unfortunately something that we need to work at, and not an automatic function of the body. Sorry that there isn’t anything actually useful that I can say at the moment.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 19:13:25
Anyway, I’m done blabbing about it. Thank you for listening. I don’t necessarily deserve the kindness, but it’s greatly appreciated
Mar 20, 2017 @ 19:17:16
I wouldn’t call it blabbing. You’re expressing things that are troubling you, and you can express them as much as you want. No problem, and I think you, especially, deserve kindness. And well, since it’s my kindness, I guess I can decide who to “spend” it on.
Mar 20, 2017 @ 19:41:15
Regardless, Thank you. You’ve helped me a lot lately.
Mar 21, 2017 @ 07:51:30
WOW sadpotato and braiNsane, that was a very long conversation. Hats off to you sadpotato for all that patience!! May thee become a happypotato soon.
Mar 21, 2017 @ 09:53:54
No patience was needed, I gladly listened. Ah, I doubt that, but I thank you for the sentiment.
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