I am sick of this daily drudge. I have a family, a wife and kids. I made just over 100,000 last year. Don’t let anyone tell you money can buy happiness. I love my wife and kids but I cannot stand life now. I obsess over living away from people. Unlike some I can honestly say I have never felt lonely one day in my life.
I recently reread “into the wild”. I feel him. I want to be alone in the wilderness somewhere. Even if, like him, it kills me. I feel a burning in my chest constantly now to do this. Thinking about how I am going to feed myself and stay dry and collect necessities take my mind to a place of purpose.
I look out and see the same cars everywhere, the same clothes, the same people carbon copies everywhere. How are they happy? Are they? Maybe they just pretend better than me.
At this point in my life I feel like I have 2 options.
1. Liquidate everything I have and give it to my family and leave. Just disappear.
2. Suicide
10 comments
Is there any way you could ‘downsize’? Get a less demanding/stressful job? Or find something more rewarding? Build a simpler life with your family?
Could you take a ‘time out’ from your family, and go on an outdoor retreat/walking holiday to clear your head? I’m sure they’d rather you do that than abandon them completely or kill yourself.
I have cut what I feel I can. My business is pretty self sufficient. I only work about 10 hours a week. I feel like it might upset them for a while but they would get over it pretty fast. 6 months it would be like I never existed in their lives at all. That is why I am considering the leaving part more. People get over that faster.
Yes, I’m sure they’d much rather you were alive and absent than dead. Especially if you could explain to them why you felt you needed to do it. Does it have to be final though? Could you not just take a break to figure things out, and see how you felt after that? I mean maybe your wife would want to move on, but maybe not. And I’m sure it would be less traumatic for your kids, knowing they might see you again at some point, rather than you just being permanently gone from their lives.
What type of business do you own?
I think your idea of a little wilderness escape, temporary or permanent (hopefully temporary) is a great one.
Stepping away from the daily noise, and esp. retreating to the wilderness, can really broaden your perspective. You will gain a deeper appreciation for the noise if you step away from it and then return to it.
Alternatively, you can go with option 2. That is guaranteed to solve all problems, at least yours.
Into the Wild is based on a fascinating true story, but I found the movie to be crap. Popular opinion gave it 8/10. I’d give it 3/10.
“You will gain a deeper appreciation of the noise if you step away from it then return to it.”
Yes. Yes.
Unfortunately for Chris McCandless, he realized it was time to return to the noise a little too late, but there is much to be said for stepping away. If you can find a way to step away, I believe it would benefit you greatly. When the mind is quiet, clarity comes.
“When the mind is quiet, clarity comes.”
If this was the only realization a person ever made, it would be enough to solve most of their problems. This is the essence of the mastery of life.
Can you talk to your wife about this? I hope you guys have that level of communication.
You probably should go out into the wild for a stretch. See what’s what.
Salesman, have you given thought to long haul truck driving? After almost 20 years in telecommunications, I walked away from it for the opportunity to do something radically different. I’m single, so had no family ties to consider, but it was an experience I’ll always cherish. Put all my belongings in storage and lived in my truck for 5 and a half years, taking time off in hotels occasionally. It’s a chance to get away from the rat race, think, and still earn a little dough. No offices, no voice mails, no clients, just the road. Still a lot of hassles with deadlines and traffic at times, it does have its challenges, but it was the closest to homelessness I’ve ever come, and if you need gypsy/nomad time, you’ll get it. Lots of it. Just a thought.
Interesting idea !