Silly brain. Getting hung up on the things you want, like you need them or something. Like you need some kind of meaningful connection with another person. Like that’s even a real thing! And even if it were a real thing, like it would be possible for you, given what you are and what you’ve done.
Silly, stupid brain. All you really need is to end. To not experience anything, ever again. To cease to be. No more wanting. No more awareness of pain and discomfort. No more guilt, no more shame, no more fear. No more insistence that something is wrong.
There is no peace for you. So what you need is nothing. Nothingness. You need to cease.