I’ve spent some time now reading stories and thoughts from the others here. I’ve really been wanting to say how brave it all is. Its brave to say what you feel inside because many people never get that courage. Like me. I have never found that courage. But I think I may now. Suicide has become a daily contemplation and its really beginning weigh me down. I have been through this before, but its a bit worse this time around. I get very scared of myself. Its like I get into these modes of feeling too calm. If that makes sense. I could be in a panic one second, and then all of a sudden I snap out of that, and then its like I go numb. And in those moments of numbness, I could do anything. I drove my car directly in front of a truck 2 years ago because of these modes. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I suppose you could call it a depression, but I feel it has gone past that. If that’s possible. I just feel sad all of the time. And I don’t know why. And I don’t know what to do. I want to die. That’s all I can really say.
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Welcome to SP.
Do you know what triggers those states of panic? Usually, the numbness one experiences is just a temporary defense mechanism against those panic attacks. Unfortunately, as you know, during these states of numbness you may do reckless things, like driving in front of a truck.
O and have you ever visited a mental health professional regarding these issues? If not, it may help to talk to such a person about this. You can take your time and look at available services, and choose one that looks trustworthy.
I’ve been in and out of therapy and groups. Talking never helps me. I go through a lot of medication changes, because they can’t get me on one that seems to help. It seems like those attacks are just in those moments where I think too much. Or if someone does something to upset me. I can’t handle it.
I’m sorry to hear that. It happens far too often that the right meds mix isn’t found. It is afterall n very finicky process. Have you tried meditation or cognitive behavioral therapy? It may help with that. Try to keep calm when you feel yourself beginning to think too much. Focus on your surroundings and your breathing.