She didn’t want to do it anymore. People say that are there for her but when she needs them, they all call her crazy. She isn’t needy. There are times that she just needs a constant. Someone or something that won’t leave. That won’t lie. That won’t hurt. She is depressed. She didn’t want to live. If she died, she would leave her family with all of the bills. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t done it yet. She smokes hoping cancer will get to her and it might be terminal. She drinks to hope for lung or kidney failure. She takes ‘medicine’ trying to make her ‘happy’ but they stopped working. So she takes more. They don’t seem to help her die either.
“You’re life isn’t that bad.”
“Maybe we should put her in an institution,” They whisper.
They don’t understand. During the day, she can surround herself with people to help distract her, but at night she gets eaten alive. All of her worry, and doubt and confusion and panic and frustration and anger. It pulls her apart. Her mind is fried. She screams until she is emotionally numb. And if the screaming doesn’t do the trick, the sharp end will.
She is wreckless on purpose. She is hurting so much, but society asks, “Why?”
Her answers are never good enough.
If she slits her throat she might not cut deep enough. They will find her barely alive, and try to fix her. Maybe physically, but she’s still mentally broken.
She is cold, she is alone, and useless, and broken. Nobody likes broken dolls.
3 comments
Wrong. I only like broken dolls. The rest seem to phony to me. And if I feel that way…so do many others.
As you may learn, the booze and drugs don’t solve anything. They only make life harder and increase depression. We get so stupid on them that we fool ourselves into believing they make us ‘not care’. But we care. And its just one more day with that poison inside us, making us hate life even more.
Life is not a free ride. Its like a video game, you make the right moves, you win. You make the wrong moves, you lose. The right moves are always tougher to make than the right ones. Its easy to screw up. The right moves involve stopping absolutely everything that we know is not good for us.
It takes patience and the will or stubbornness to decide we are not going to lose again. Accepting when we do, but refusing to stop trying to do what we know will lead to better days, and a better life. It all takes time.
I used to get drunk and put on the sad songs, convincing myself that I had it all under control, but I eventually figured out that booze, and sad songs, make us sad. Dah. What a dip shit I was.
Life has gotten better now that I’ve learned to stop doing the things that bring sadness. It isn’t perfect, and never will be, but better, and that’s a blessing.
I hope you will find those things too. And don’t forget, some of us think highly of those broken dolls. 🙂
the dolls that are broken but still stay can still be fixed, with love and time.
find your reason to exist. sometimes, that’s all you need.
i love broken dolls the fit the broken place in my heart they can undertsand me more than any “perfect” doll