I feel so empty, but yet it hurts so damn much.
It feels like all my emotions are breaking free, that they’re all at their limit and ready to go crazy
I don’t even know how to explain how I feel
All I can say is that I feel like an empty shell wandering on this earth. Searching for a way to disappear, and to finally be able to rest in peace.
Help
Help me
I have been suicidal and depressed for quite some time, but this feels so different. It feels so weird.
I just want to disappear.
30 comments
What’s up, Kur0?
Not that much to tell the truth.
I started feeling like this after my 3rd suicide attempt (yesterday). And I really don’t know how to explain it.
From your last post:
“Well, I really am a loser though. lol I mean, I have done 3 suicide attempts, and failed all of them.”
Is it like a sense of failure?
Mhm, that’s a good question.
I have always felt like a failure, and I still feel like one.
But like I said I really don’t know how to describe this feeling. It’s kinda like feeling nothing but still feeling some kind of pain.
I have tried to search for people who feel the same, but without any results sadly enough.
“I feel sadness, but the tears won’t come.”
-from Neon Genesis Evangelion
Maybe feeling empty and “searching for a way to disappear”, but being unable to find it is causing emotional pain. I think I’ve felt something similar before.
@EmptyPluto
Yeah, I guess that may be one of the causes, but somewhere I feel that there are more causes. Is it possible to get hurt by something without realising it? Cuz some things have been bothering me lately, but I can’t really identify what it actually is.
@ignorance will prevail
Mhm
I haven’t watched Neon GenesisEvangelion yet, but that can kinda describe part of my feelings.
And to tell the truth, that sentence is actually a reality for me.
I can’t cry, even though I do feel sad.
It brings up the question… do you think it would be better to be able to turn off your emotions completely like a faucet, or to have them always control you? Which would be better, which would be worse?
I think it’s better to react to emotions, but not too much.
Now I look like a cold person, like a person that doesn’t care.
Or that’s at least how I feel.
On the other hand your emotions being in control of you doesn’t sound like fun either. And maybe even really annoying.
So I guess that there is no better one. They’re both bad ways to react to these things called “emotions”.
It’s hard to find a suitable balance between reason and emotion. But it’s probably not impossible, some people are bound to have done it.
“Is it possible to get hurt by something without realising it?”
I’m not entirely sure, but depression often does things like that to you.
@ignorance will prevail
yeah, I am sure that it is hard to find a balance between them. I don’t think that I’m capable of creating a balance.
@EmptyPluto
Most of the time I know, or at least have a vague idea, what is hurting me. But this time might be different.
It’s called angst. I think that’s what you’re dealing with.
I don’t know.
I just researched the word “angst” a bit, and I have to say that it doesn’t really explain me feeling empty.
They defined the word as feeling anxious with still having some hope left.
Maybe you came across another (more correct?) definition?
angst: a feeling of deep anxiety or dread, typically an unfocused one about the human condition or the state of the world in general.
“adolescent angst”
Mhm
It’s a better definition than what I found.
But still not 100% how I feel.
Thank you for trying to help me though.
I really appreciate it.
Go to a hospital you will find your help there
I don’t know.
I’m under 18 and nobody knows that I feel suicidal and depressed. So I can’t really go to a hospital right now.
Besides that, I have already tried to get help, but they were too busy with other people like me.
They have hospitals for people under 18. Go to a hospital and tell them you are suicidal and you tried to kill yourself. they will help you. Or least give you meds to help with your mood
That’s not really what I meant.
I mean, it’s 23:42 here, so I can’t really go out anymore.
Besides that, my mom and sister don’t know about these things, and I don’t want to tell them. Not right now.
So yeah, going to a hospital isn’t really an option right now.
I guess that i’ll just have to deal with it myself for the time being.
Thanks for your help though.
I’d be cautious with meds though, some can help, some are a hindrance.
I’ve heard of meds making things worse, so I don’t know if I would ever take them. As long as I don’t have to of course.
Yeah, it all depends on the person. I took meds and they messed me up.My advice is to stay away from serotonin reuptake inhibitors (Prozac is one of them) because they can literally permanently change the chemistry of your brain in a bad way. For me, I felt like I lost 30 IQ points, I felt strangely feminine all of a sudden, and I felt far less rational after I took them. It was disturbing. The effects of that medication will stay with me for life. In my opinion, it’s just not worth the risk. There are many suitable alternatives out there.
Mhm
It seems that meds can be really scary.
Thanks for the advise. I have never taken any kind of med before, so I don’t know how I would react to them.
“Is it possible to get hurt by something without realising it? Cuz some things have been bothering me lately, but I can’t really identify what it actually is”
I think that happens, I struggle with it. I think sometimes we feel emotions and have absolutely no idea what we’re feeling or why – at least i do.
I actually hesitate on giving advise kuz i feel i’m ill-equipt to do so but maybe try some breathing exercises. It may sound silly but it can help
I also think that it can happen.
And I don’t think that it sounds silly, I have heard it a couple times before. I never tried it out though.
I’d say give it a go, it can’t hurt.
Especially since you’re reluctant to seek professional help
It’s been a few hours since your original post, you feeling any better?
Mhm
It’s not that I’m relucant to get professional help. I am going to see a psychologist, but they can only start helping me at the end of June.
And I don’t want to go to a hospital because I don’t want my parentd and sister to find out about my depression and suicidal thoughts.
And no, I am not really feeling better.
I also feel light headed right now.
And I also have to go on a boring schooltrip this week, which is gonna make everything a lot worse.
Anyway, I am going to bed now. It’s 00:45 here..
Goodnight
That’s good to hear, too bad it’s not until June
If you feel so detached from this world
Why not study about spirituality
That is if you want to live