I don’t really do this sort of stuff, as in post about my personal stuff like feeling and all that back stuff, yet here i am.
Im 16 and turning 17 in April, don’t know if i really want to make it to that but oh well. Ive grown up being told by my father that I’m good for nothing, disappear you’re not loved, go die, and that sort of thing. My father is selfish man but its what has kept alive all these years. My mother would allow for my step father to abuse me on a constant basis, no matter what house i went to i would always face something horrible.
A lot of dark stuff has happened to me, i guess the darkest thing was when i was 7 or 8 years old. My father had taken me down to an oval where he would play soccer. There he decided it would be a good idea to leave me with someone who was babysitting their brother and sister who were both my age, the man/scum babysitting them didn’t look old, maybe early 20’s or perhaps even in a teenager, who the fuck knows. Anyway this person brought me behind the toilets away from the 2 younger ones, he told me to do something and i wouldn’t do it. I don’t really wish to go on about this but i think you may be able to figure it.
My dad is a fuck up on a whole other level. I use to get slapped around about it. He use to leave e home alone for days at a time whilst he went and got fucked up, i wouldn’t have any money to buy food and i did not have any food inside of the house.
I never got a long with my step father we would always fight, every night there was someone yelling, constantly.
I just have to live with the constant torment of everything I’ve been through, things i don’t tell anyone.
For the past year i have been losing more and more of myself, i feel empty. Ive tried to OverDose and codeine, hasn’t worked. Im nearly emotionless, trying to get back to humanity. I don’t care about anyone or anything. Not sure if i want to die exactly but i definitely don’t want to continue to live, i could go on and on about how unfairly i have been treated in my life, but i can’t bee fucked in all honesty, I’m just tired.
I prefer to be alone, because thats what I’ve always had to be, alone. In all honesty i want someone to feel alone with me.
Who knows…
2 comments
I wish I could help somehow but i don’t even know how to get past my own dark experiences, which aren’t nearly as fucked up as yours. I wish i had some useful advice but i just don’t. If you wanna talk to someone though, i could give my email. I don’t have or want friends so it wouldn’t be about that. I like being alone, too. I’m not a therapist or anything, but i’d like to help if it’s possible.
Regardless, i wish you all the best. Also i hope that baby-sitter you mentioned burns in hell.
So young and yet you’ve suffered through so much. It always hurts to read stories of young ones who were the victims of cruel adults. I’m truly sorry.
I always think it’s a good idea to write and let out every thought and emotion you have. If there is anyway you can seek out help offline in order to escape any negative people in your life I would encourage you to do so. Are you safe now or are you still in an abusive household? Feel free not to answer any questions, I just hope you’re safe.
Best wishes.