This is Your Heart — Don’t Let it Tear You Apart.

~

Life now is but a constant stream of memories, distorted by the harshness of reality. When sentimentality is your affliction, only the facts will sober you up from your misguided ways. That’s all it amounts to once the dust settles — being misguided, and going against your better judgement.

That’s all I amounted to.

But things have changed. For better or (hopefully not) worse, I have no choice but to discard my old self and embrace a new path moving forward. The path I was always meant to take, but shied away from due to an acute case of loverboy syndrome. Despite it all being in vain; I might as well make the most of it while I still can.

~

The track above is “Shelter” by The xx. Recorded off my Technics turntable and provided for your listening pleasure. The following is my interpretation of parts of the lyrics — make of it what you like.

Can you hear, when I say? I have never felt this way

I’d said that once with any real meaning, and it still remains true for the time when I’d said it. That will be one feeling I’ll never be able to replicate; nor do I want to. Unique only to that relationship, that feeling which I felt I shall never feel again.

I still want to drown, whenever you leave. Please teach me gently, how to breathe

Infatuation is both an intoxicating high and soul-crushing low. It’s thanks to my heart that I never truly understand this feeling, and the reason why I’ll avoid it as much as I can going forward. I s’pose if I ever do forget to breathe in future, someone can just give me a good slap on the arse and I’ll be sweet.

And I’ll mirror images back at you. So you can see the way I feel it too

It’s those unspoken words which only your body can speak that really say the most. In fact, those are the very which I pay attention to the most. Although in today’s social media-centric society it’s becoming a lost art. Where teenage girls are running around pretending to cough into their arm from smoking left over resin; you’d wonder why they’d look at someone weirdly for noticing their lips pert at the sight of their companion.

I find shelter, in this way. Under cover, hide away

Shelter from overexposure to the horrors of modern society. Under the covers of my oft-stoic disposition. A hide away for my heart; so it may never lead me astray again.

Compassion and understanding will always be my foremost personal qualities, and I’ll continue to display them for as long as I may live. But knowing the darkness which almost snuffed me out the last time — I shall endeavour to not let my heart get involved. One day, if I happen to live to an age of greater understanding of myself, I may let it back in. But until then; under cover I’ll remain.

(…or y’know, hiding in the bush somewhere.)