It goes around…and around…and around. Spinning in my head. It feels like a carousel that has burst into flames. Things become increasingly more painful, burning my insides. But I can’t jump off or I’ll get hurt, or die. I want to die so badly though. I’m just afraid of death. I’ve been suicidal since I was 17 years old. I’m 21 now. My last post on here was a positive one. Well, me being me…I can’t maintain positive relationships in my life whatsoever. So I’m back to having hardly any friends or family. I went to a funeral today. I’m jealous of those who get to die. Isn’t that fucked up? I was just looking at the body in the casket, so serene and peaceful. And here I am, feet hurting in my heels, shaking like crazy because I’m an anxious and depressed fucking piece of shit. My mom told me that she would bury me in the backyard for animals to pick at if I committed suicide, since it’s a sin. I don’t care. Animals are better than people anyway. None of this makes sense, sorry. I’m just ready to die. It scares me, but not more than my day to day life. I have nothing left to live for.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
3 comments
Maybe a small part of you hopes for a better future. I don’t think that only a fear of death is enough to keep one from offing oneself. Is there nothing you want to do, any goals or bucket list things? Like you said, your last post on here was a positive one. That shows that you’re capable of getting to a better place, that it isn’t impossible.
O and envying the dead isn’t fucked up, but what your mother said to you is most definitely fucked up.
Animals ARE much better than people. Animals only ever cheer me up, but people…they are truly evil.
My dog gives me unconditional love. A Human never came close to that.