Anxiety is the threat and boredom is the danger.

It’s the Anxiety of having an unfinished situation where I am overly invested emotionally. I’m into a lot of things. As a baseline:
I’m autistic
I’m highly intelligent
I’m neurodivergent
I’m an INTP
These are all things that separate me from people. They make me other in a world that values sameness.
My SO pointed out to me that I may be autistic. It’s been very help to have a label other than “odd”.
So my main trigger is the fact that my SO and I are exploring being poly. Initially while I was suffering the worse case of depression I’ve ever faced in an attempt to give my SO more attention. I started self prescribing some medication. It worked like a miracle. Suddenly I had the energy to do things. My body didn’t feel heavy all the time. I didn’t feel like my head was always in a fog. We still are into being poly and our reasons have changed. One of my SO’s friends expressed interest in having a threesome with us and we were working on that with the idea that maybe it could turn into a long term relationship. It’s been going poorly because this girl has a lot going on and we haven’t been able to establish a baseline. My SO is handling it like a champ but my head is wrecked. I’m anxious and this situation is a big trigger due to some of my past. Also I have this emotional investment in it. The autism makes that a pretty big deal. I feel things so raw and this is a big open ended situation. It’s unfinished and that bothers me. We are holding back for about a week to see if she’ll reach out to us. We are both really into her. I just have zero chill. The real problem comes from having mental energy. People that aren’t INTP’s don’t really understand this concept. I can sit down and do 12 hours of research. In fact it would be invigorating. I thrive on Ideas. This also makes time pass more slowly in my head and a constant need for intellectual stimulation. It’s been three days since we decided to hold off and it feels like it’s been a week and a half. I’ve thrown myself into projects of art, Intellect, and personal development. Still, I’m riding the anxiety roller coaster and some days it’s so bad that I just want it to end. I have this fireball trying to explode in my stomach. I need things to fill my mind