While reading I had a thought, I, and I suspect many of you blame ourselves for the sadness and woes experienced. Before you jump on me too hard I’m not talking about the terminally ill or victims of abuse or other violence, I’m talking about y’all that are like me. Fed up, self described failures.
So I blame thyself. But it occurs to me a time, before I had such thoughts, how it bothered me when others would refuse to take responsibility for their actions and perdiciments. So often I remember hearing verbatim,”it’s not my fault,” Followed by some story of why. And usually, it’s still their at least in part fault. They refused to acknowledge the part they played.
So I wonder, if I could simply adjust my blame, not be so accountable, and push back outwardly, could I stop visiting sp and just get on?
6 comments
I think this category is part of what my deal is. However I tell myself (and my family tells me) things aren’t my fault all the time. I even believe that sometimes. However not know who is to blame/blaming others doesn’t change the pain of failure. For me it gets worse because then it adds to the long list of things beyond my control.
So, to sum up, in a perfect world that would work. If you could be zen about the existence of the problem/failure itself. However my question is this: If you can find peace with the failure, does it matter who is to blame?
I like your point about the zen approach, actually has been mine recently. Trying.
You say not knowing who to blame / blaming others wouldn’t lessen the stench of failure but shouldn’t it take the weight off your shoulders? If you can legitimately find reason it wasn’t your fault, or let me rephrase that, if you can legitimately BELIEVE that others were at fault or it was out of your control I think it would logically weaken the grip that failure may have on you.
There are many things out of our control, how can we kick ourselves down when there was no action we could have taken to change the outcome? The problem may occur because we pound ourselves down because of things in our control.
At least it does with me, I have a cumulative problem with many things that were in my control. But if I could lie to myself or find legitimate reason to blame another then my Shit cloud would feel less personally damaging and I could feel better about myself.
In the original post I mentioned it was a bothersome approach, Not saying its the right view but it could be effective.
I am to blame for all my problems, I could have done things differently.
But braiN, what if you’re wrong? What if you’ve just adopted the fault?
I doubt it… Not overall
I suspect the majority of us on sp simply suffer from mental illness of one type or another. Data is difficult to come by though, and I am not a medical professional. I’m just a dude in the same boat as everyone else so take that statement with a grain of salt.