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Emotionally Masochistic

by inwardmovement

I’ve been listening to a lot of “Doom Metal” lately. Bands like Bell Witch, Tyranny, My Shameful, Mournful Congregation, Shining, Who Dies In Siberian Slush, The Howling Void, and others, and I’ve come to find a kind of beauty in the darkness of it all. The deep gutturals, the heavy bass riffs, the long drawn-out notes, and slow drums tap into the sadness within me. I’ve been feeling connected to the sorrow and have grown to enjoy this pain in a way I never thought I would. It’s having some kind of sick paradoxical effect where I want to drown and let the despair consume me but I don’t want to die so this feeling won’t end. Is this some sort of emotional masochism? How did this deep emotional pain become pleasurable? I might sound crazy but this is a feeling I haven’t felt before. Someone please tell me I’m not alone in this.

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braiNsane 4/12/2017 - 8:12 am

I don’t think you’re alone in that experience.

thehusk 4/12/2017 - 11:09 am

I listen to a fair bit of ‘extreme’ metal, although I think more from the death sub-genre than doom. There’s definitely a beauty to be found in darkness.

I think for me it’s more of a coping mechanism rather than something that allows despair to consume me. In a small way it kind of transforms despair into something I can endure. I’m not sure whether that’s healthy or not.

inwardmovement 4/12/2017 - 11:59 am

That’s exactly how I feel. I think you’ve articulated it better. It is coping, getting lost in the music, feeling that heavy sadness for a while then sort of emerging from it gives me enough energy to get through the rest of the day. I do also wonder if that’s healthy. Might be a question for my therapist.

thehusk 4/12/2017 - 12:23 pm

Maybe it’s a question of balance. I listen to a lot of more ‘upbeat’ metal as well, depending on where my head’s at. But I guess if it gives you energy it can’t be too bad. Discussing it with your therapist sounds good though.

Here’s one of my ‘favorites’ for that kind of mood:
youtube.com/watch?v=AR-sMAI740E

thehusk 4/12/2017 - 12:25 pm

Maybe it’s a question of balance. I listen to a lot of more ‘upbeat’ metal as well, depending on where my head’s at. But I guess if it gives you energy it can’t be too bad. Discussing it with your therapist sounds good though.

One of my ‘favorite’ tracks for that kind of mood is Die Alone by A Pale Horse Named Death.

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