This is my first post and I need some sort of advise.. basically my gf of 5years broke up with me last December just out of nowhere..she moved to Spain in August last year and I went to visit her for 3weeks in September and I left in October..I went bk to visit her again in december and on the 2nd day I was there she told me the relationship was over..after she said this we still went to Amsterdam together as a couple for 2days..we went bk to Spain together and we got along so well..now Iv nvr been controlling type and iv nvr been suicidal until she broke up with me. Iv tried overdosing twice but Iv been revived both times ..I have tried talking to her but all my efforts has been in vain. This is a girl I would happily take a bullet for ..I’m thinking about ending it all in a couple of weeks.2weeks to be precise..I really want to see her one more time and have a word with her..Iv been to the psychiatrist twice and they said I’m mentally fine and they just sent me home with some antidepressants..
i need advice , should i travel to her and have a word? For the past months Iv been very suicidal and the thoughts of not being able to talk to her anymore is killing me..nd if I go to hell for killing my self surely it can’t be worse than not being able to talk to her..
what should I do?
15 comments
I think you should call her instead travelling all the way to Europe to talk to her. If you go there and she tells you that she still does not want to be with you then you wasted all that money for nothing. It’s better for you to call her and when you things are back on track, then go and visit her. No one travels half way around the world to have a word with a person. Call her by phone first and make sure everything is all alright first before you go and travel there.
FYI overdosing is the least effective way to commit suicide. You are lucky that you didn’t damage your liver with whatever pills you took (or maybe you didn’t take enough) Cause that sometimes happens when you overdose on pills
I live in Europe.. Spain is just two hours away from me..Iv been trying to text and call her but all my efforts has proven to be in vain…Iv nvr been myself since december and it’s just constant suicide thoughts because of her..life is just so cruel
First of all, life is not fair for no one. You are not entitled to anything. People break up and one partner does not want to see the other. That happens all of the time. You are not the first.
and second, I guess you can try going there. No one knows how she is going to respond. Maybe she will want to talk to you. But no one knows. I doubt it since she not responding to your texts and calls. But you can still give it a shot. If you want. You never know. It’s only 2 hours away if you have nothing to do, you can even go today
If I was regretful about leaving a person and wanted to make things right, I would begin by answering phone calls and replying to text messages.
Listen bro, I don’t want to make light of your problems or make it seem like I’m making fun because that’s not what I’m out to do. But killing yourself over a girl? Stupid. I’m taking it you’re pretty young. Take my advice, there will be PLENTY more girls, some even better looking that treat you better than this one. I agree it’s difficult to get over someone especially when you’ve invested time and emotions, but you need to see what’s out there. If you think that she was the only girl willing to give you a chance and you’re not worthy of another one you’re wrong. I’m no ladies man myself, in fact im a big hairy guy but when I broke up with a girl if I was outgoing I would always find a new girl to try a relationship yet. Dust yourself off and move on because there are other girls out there that are interested in you.
Calling someone else’s reason stupid, just because you can’t understand it. That just proves you have no clue what suicide is about, so go bugger off.
Deathiscalling I know what the pain feels like, not over a girl but for something just as bad. Anyone who ever lost something that was the entire reason for living, we’re all in the same boat and there’s no quick fix. If she was your entire reason for living then fucking fight for her with everything you got. Plan out your strategy and just do it. This might be a test to see how much she really means to you. If you decide to let her go, no problem it just means she wasn’t the entire world after all. But if you can’t let her go, then go out there and give it your best shot.
No, I understand it because years ago I thought the same way. Point is, you eventually move on and you find yourself thinking about someone a lot less when you’re occupied with other things and people.
29andmiserable I understand exactly what you are saying but it’s not as easy as that.this is something I have so much connection with.i gave up going out my friends inorder for her not to fell insecure. Everything I did was always about her and i care for her more than for myself..you know my friends told me exactly what you said but you wouldn’t understand because there’s so much connection involved.. the connection is really deep because so many things happened including having an abortion,now that was a decision we both made at the time but now it’s coming back to hunt me seriously.. Iv wasted soo much money on therapist that is just not working and I cnt give up on some1 who Iv pictured my future with since the abortion.
Fitz I really appreciate ur advice and I will take it onboard. I can’t let her go without putting up a fight Thanks a million
In that case all I can say is I wish you luck. If people killed themselves every time after a breakup there wouldn’t be too many of us left. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose in life. What you’re going through sucks, but isn’t all that uncommon. If you feel so strongly, keep fighting for it.
29andmiserable i get what you mean and this thing is I go to work everyday putting a brave face pretending I’m fine but I know I’m not fine..Iv tried to occupy my mind with different activities and going out but I get carried away to the point where my friends would come behind me and tap me on the shoulder to see If im fine..yes I know there are other girls out there but this particular one is worth dieing for and I’d happily take a bullet for her..she means the world to me
29andmiserable is pretty much right. I’m 30 years old and also have a long track record of relationships that fell apart and trying to get the people to come back. I used to ask people for advice, they’d tell me to leave it alone, move on, but I wouldn’t listen, I thought they were crazy for not understanding how one more email or visit would probably bring my ex back. I ended up having to learn the lesson the hard way, I had to embarrass myself repeatedly and chase after people who didn’t want me before I finally realized everyone was telling me the truth. So it’s up to you, you’ll learn the lesson either way, either by understanding there’s nothing you can do, or finding out the hard way.
A girl who isn’t being responsive to emails or texts does not want you to show up in their home town. She’s going to feel violated. If there was even the slightest hint that she sometimes strung you along and acted like things might change, at least you’d be justified in being confused. But if she already doesn’t answer you when you try to reach out, she doesn’t want you showing up. Think if you ended a relationship with someone, tried to stop answering all their messages, would you want to step outside the safety of your own home some day and see this person standing there? She’s a free human being, she is entitled to decide that she doesn’t want you around without living in the constant threat that you might reappear somewhere. It doesn’t have to make sense to you, it doesn’t have to seem fair. It could be the most horrible, unfair situation, she still has the right to walk away and live her life without the guy she broke up with still trying to interact with her 5 months later. All you’re demonstrating is that you care more about what you want than what she wants, which will make her feel better that she broke up with you. You say you’d take a bullet for her? How about something less extreme, just let her be happy and live her life without you if that’s what she decided she wants. Take THAT “bullet” for her. Carry that burden for her. Move on with your life, don’t burden her with the guilt that you killed yourself because she broke up with you. You want to make some big emotional sacrifice for her? Do that. Hold your chin up, and move on with your life. There’s no more loving thing you could do for her than be a man and deal with the decision she gave you and move on.
Continuing to give yourself these false hopes is just delaying your healing. Sometimes that’s what people choose to do, you hang onto the pain and the suffering when it’s the only thing you have left of a person. Because once you admit to yourself that it’s over and start getting better, then you’re really letting them go. Both people have to let go. She already let go of you, but you’re still refusing to let go.
It’s bad enough to lose a girlfriend, don’t go lose your dignity in addition. Chances are you could find her with some new boyfriend or something. You’re doing everything that’s the opposite of what women find attractive in a man. They don’t want somebody begging, pleading, a man who doesn’t have enough going on in his own life that he hasn’t been able to move on from a breakup that happened in December. I don’t know why sometimes heartbroken men (myself included) have the most horrible ideas about what they think might fix the situation. You’d be making yourself look SO unappealing to her if she steps out of her home one day and sees you standing there in her home town. Again, maybe it’s movies or TV shows that have made people think this type of chasing is romantic or ever brings somebody back, but real life doesn’t work that way. You don’t want this to get to the point that she thinks she needs the police or a bunch of her guy friends to MAKE you stay away from her.
Read about No Contact. It’s the best way to move on. And the irony is that even if you wanted to win the person back, No Contact would be the most likely way to ever make that happened to. You mind your own business, you go on with your own life, you don’t chase or call them, and maybe someday that’s what makes them wonder about what happened to you, or makes them realize that they made a mistake. When you’re making it clear that you haven’t moved on yet and you’re still just hanging around hoping they’ll come back, they have no reason to hurry, they can date around and see what else there is to find in life before maybe deciding they’ll come back to that guy who is still hoping they’ll come back.
You have nothing to gain from chasing her and everything to gain from cutting all contact and letting her think you’re getting on with your life.
But heartbroken people are the absolute worst at taking advice. I know you’re going to do whatever you think is best, just like I did every time someone tried to advise me. You might waste more time and money, you might have to embarrass yourself, you might cause a scene when she freaks out and begs you to leave, and maybe only when the situation gets so bad that you realize she’ll call the police if you ever reach out again, then you’ll know that you have no choice but to stop it.
In terms of killing yourself if you have to move on without her, that would be a real shame. You’re not wrong for feeling how you do, a 5 year relationship is a long time and it’s normal to feel horrible about it. But something is out of balance if you see nothing worthwhile in your life just because one person isn’t around any more. That’s another reason why it ends up making her look very smart for leaving you. A woman isn’t supposed to be a man’s reason for existing. You are supposed to be charging forward in your own life, having goals and aspirations, and the woman is there to be your companion and share your journey with you. The woman herself is not your journey, the woman herself is not supposed to be the reason you decide to get out of bed in the morning. So by acting the way you are, she’ll just think she made the absolute right decision. She’ll find some guy who wants to conquer the world and share it with her, versus a guy who wants to take a bullet for her.
If you stop making a total mess of this, you can maybe reconnect years later. Out of all my ex girlfriends, the ones who still talk to me and have come back into my life years later, are the ones I didn’t act crazy about. The ones who I chased and bothered, I never heard a single word from again.
Specter thank you very much for your overwhelming advice..I know what you are saying is the truth , I don’t dispute any of it but the truth remains the heart wants what it wants nd we cnt change that..once again thank you for your advice nd I’ll take everything on board ..
Go see her. You need to get this out of your system. Go, and my sincerest wishes for resolution.
Chip thanks for the advice that’s what I’m planning to do and even if I can get a decent closure that will be fine for me .
My recent ex apparently thinks I’m a stalker for visiting this website where I met him, even though I’ve been a member all these years too (and it’s hard to quit). With that in mind, when it’s over with someone you should just let it be over. Why give them the chance to contact you and string you along again if they didn’t love you in the first place?
Oh and yeah, at this point I wouldn’t be happy to see him or any of my exes show up in my city. Nor would I want to randomly run into them. I avoided one city where an ex lived for four years after the breakup just so I wouldn’t encounter them. If they care they should try to work through problems and show you respect while you’re still together. If they don’t, screw ’em.
Move forwards. Being alone is better than letting somebody lead you on.