I’m trying to figure out how weird this obsession I have with darkness is. For the last year for example I’ve been obsessively searching for decent horror, trying to find a work that creates the emotion of fear within me (FYI, still no takers, but some great movies and books discovered along the way). Now for the past few weeks I find myself drawn to cults and studying how narcissistic personalities dominate followers and draw them in. I have no reason to know or collect this information apart from to feed my obsession.
I don’t think this is healthy. I used to enjoy other projects, but now I have lost my ability to focus on anything apart from death, manipulation and very sick personalities. I want to put whatever motivation is causing this obsession to productive use, but I don’t know why I’m doing what I’m doing anymore.
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It’s interesting, in a way, objectively observing the processes of whatever you want to call all this. Depression, mental health, whatever. For whatever reason, I find myself immersed in stories of the Holocaust, just absorbing the sheer insanity of it all, and I’m unsure why.
It’s like a natural progression, leading to. . . something.