I have no idea what state my body will be in when I finally do this. I don’t want to traumatize my mother with the sight of me like this. So I need to post a note for her outside my bedroom letting her know that she needs to not come into my bedroom, that I’ve died, and she needs to call the police to handle it. And I guess that’s where some angels on the internet come in to tell me if I sound like I’m being cold or if it’s going to make her want to come in the room more and so on.
This is what I have so far:
I promise you everything is going to be okay. You are going to be okay. Please leave the door closed – you shouldn’t see this. I will have made sure to do this when you were asleep or away from me for a long time so you couldn’t intervene and prevent my suicide. I’m including the phone numbers for the two police stations closest to us. This isn’t an emergency but they need to be contacted so that they can help you. I know it won’t seem like it right now and it probably hasn’t seemed like it for years but I love you so much.
Does this sound okay? Please don’t be afraid of giving constructive criticism, I want it to be right.
34 comments
That’s sounds fine, but Why won’t go to a motel or something to do it. Your house will just become a graveyard if you do it in it
It’s a very good idea but for me it just isn’t do-able:
1. I likely won’t be able to leave the house (anxiety keeps me in here 24/7 most weeks).
2. I don’t have a driver’s license, a bicycle or public transport nearby so I’d need to ask my family to take me to the motel. With number 1 in mind… they’d know something was going down.
3. Smuggling what I need for my suicide method – it’s extremely obvious, thanks to the media, that it’s almost exclusively used for suicide – without my family or the front desk people knowing just isn’t going to be something I’m smart enough to do.
4. A suicide in a local motel is likely going to be mentioned in the papers since so little actually happens around here. This would be very bad for my family and, frankly, very bad for me.
I have a pretty decent time-frame for this though (between six months and two years til I do it) so I have a lot of time to get the act itself right.
You are going to wait from 6 months to 2 years before you actually kill yourself?
I think you should just check yourself in the hospital if you are just depressed. I’m sure things will get better if you are going to wait that long
I can’t reply to your last reply or I’m just really bad at using this website. *shrug*
That’s kind of you to suggest checking myself into the hospital but at the end of the day I have made over a dozen suicide attempts from the age of seven… all the ones pre-fifteen were so badly done that I survived but sustained terrible injuries. Nobody even realized how I had gotten hurt. The attempt at the age of fifteen was only noticed because my family realized prescription drugs were missing and after that I was pushed through nearly six years of counselling. Nothing has gotten better, JD. It has gotten worse, and worse, and worse and worse. But I have carried on with this for over a decade so I think – what’s the issue in taking my time to buy a life-insurance policy that explicitly covers suicide after a certain time-period? Where’s the harm in helping my family as much as I can before I leave them behind forever, you know? I’m not going to get better, but I can at least try to make my passing better for them.
I’m just curious, how old are you?
I’m going to be twenty two this year. That means I’ll have been suicidal for close to fifteen years now, I think (a Mathematician, I am not), so it’s been long enough for me. What about you?
I’m 29. will be 30 in October. If I’m still alive of course.
What terrible injuries do you have? If you don’t mind sharing
I don’t really like to talk about them. I’ll just say they were well-treated by my doctors (that’s why I said I had injuries, past tense, because they’re considered “healed” now since they can’t kill me anymore) but a lot of them leave me in physical pain and most of them are ugly. It’s a good thing that I can hide the majority.
Unfortunately, I almost guarantee that even with the note, if she cares for you at all she’s going to open that door. And that moment will be etched in her memory forever. And that room will be a constant reminder.
If you have to do it, I’d go with JD’s suggestion to use a motel or somewhere else.
Good point about her opening the door, I guess since my doorknob needs replacing anyway I’ll just have to buy one with a lock. That’s fine. Easy to take care of. I’m not a fan of me dying in that room either because awful things happened to me in there (the same could be said for the rest of the house, however)… but if you see my response to JD, it is still very likely where I will wind up dying for practical purposes.
I agree with the above. Any mother would open the door. She might think that you’re in a state where you can still be rescued or helped or anything.
I forgot to respond but it was a good point you made. I think I’ve thought of a solution to that.
There’s nothing you could write that would keep your mother from opening the door. Nothing.
If you haven’t seen my response to 1bigzero yet – I think I have thought of a way to prevent that from happening.
hey do you want to talk i am going through the same process and i burned a few notes because i cant stand how they turned out
yeah. she’ll open the door. Frankly, if you intend to die, do it in the least traumatizing(for everyone) way possible, but usually someone has to ID the body, so someone who knows you will be staring at your corpse on a metal table in a chilly windowless morgue somewhere. That’s life…. so to speak.
There is also the possibility of her being investigated for possible murder. (Seriously).
The police will take over the house, she will not be able to stay until the let her come back, it’s a horror story for her. Unfortunately, mine is the voice of experience.
Moongazer I don’t know if you can see this (I still don’t know how to reply to someone who is replying to me… oh my god why is it so hard?) but that sounds like a great idea!
do you have kik or line?
I only saw this just now – I’m sorry for the delay. I don’t have a kik or line, I’m not actually sure what either of those are tbh.
my kik is Moon Gazer or seekerofdao
they are apps for your phone you use to talk in private without giving your real phone number to other people just your email
It’s not you I don’t trust here but some of the things I’m seeing these types of messengers have been involved in make me extremely uneasy and I just can’t trust them.
A few thoughts:
The note sounds fine in its context.
If you could do it somewhere else you will spare your mother some horrible police questions.
Under enough stress of shock and grief people have been known to confess to a killing they did not do.
One night a guy knocked himself off behind where I work. The whole building was turned into a crime scene for most of the next day. That meant people could leave, after talking to police, but not reenter until the investigation was done.
The comment on the note was helpful. As for the rest it is very unlikely to happen considering the protocols followed by police where I live in the case of suicide. Here the cops know what they’re doing when it comes to these events.
And part of that protcool is to turn your mother into a murder suspect. You are obviously not thinking this through. Just take a taxi to the nearest motel. She is not going to call the police first, shes going to open your door. Christ
Now you have me rethinking about the homicide aspect. So I did some research. Thanks for helping bring this subject to the fore for me. So lets say the police find your lifeless body in your bedroom. They will start out treating it like a crime scene. They will make a determination as to whether it is murder, homicide, suicide, accident, or negligence. I am going to bet you will have made their job pretty straight forward. Thanks helping me get my own head wrapped around this.
Yeah, I’m sorry, wishing, I have to Agree with the majority of the posts here. Murder suspect? maybe, maybe not. But No verbiage on a door will keep it shut. Even if you were to lock and/or nail it shut I could see a hysterical mother fighting tooth and nail to try and save you. This will not be a sensible moment and probably the worst of her life. I think you should reconsider.
i agree to the majority of the posts here. Those who love you will go through nine kinds of hell to rescue you.
Oh good God, John, please just get out and stay out at this point you aren’t helping me at all, you don’t know what you’re talking about when you mention the police investigation into suicide where I am whereas I do because I’ve researched it (and NONE of you know my mother or our history… I love her more than anything, that doesn’t mean she was a good parent) and I have put an incredible amount of thought into this because IT IS ALL I THINK ABOUT.
That came off way angrier than I meant it to. I apologize for my tone and the deliverance of my opinion, though I stand by the opinion itself.
I think both the thought of your note and the note itself shows how you care for her feelings. Probably why you’ve generated so many replies here. Obviously, it’s ultimately it’s your decision, so good luck.
You may consider this rhetorical but you mentioned your extended time frame, Could you consider changing some of your current complications that require you to stay at home? Yes, I realize how challenging that can be especially with the anxiety you spoke of, just a thought.
PS to reply to a comment directly click the little reply to the right of the individuals name
..To get back to your note….its funny how I had the exact same thought to put a note on my door so my mom wouldnt have to live with the vision of my hanging body for the rest of her life. Its good that even when we are so low and empty and hurting in every cell in our bodies that we still give a thought to someone else, maybe this is a gift we have and can use to spot this pain in others and to help ‘cuz lets face it no one else other that us lot in here would have a clue what to look for or how it truly feels to not want to wake up again.