this problem will sound pathetic if you have never really loved someone. so please dont think im screwed up or crazy, because if you have loved someone truly with every piece of yourself, you will understand. ok?
I NEED ADVICE.
so about a year ago i started talking to this guy and immediately i felt like i could trust him. i felt connected to him. then he ended up getting a girl friend until september. then we still talked a lot, before and after their break up. not in a romantic way of course but as good friends. Then we started to talk more after september, facetiming every day and night, texting allll the time. one night i was upset, and he had an exam the next morning at 9am. but he called me until 3:30am while i cried and he just listened. i loved him. but he would leave. he would talk to me for 3 weeks and make me feel like i was soo much to him and like he was interested in me as well. but then he would stop replying for a week or two and whenever i asked if he wa sok or mad he would go “its called being busy” and stuff. and so it kinda broke my heart after i while i felt like shit. i was in love with someone who i thought didnt love me. then about 2 months ago i met this other guy, he started talking to me. he liked me, still does actually. and i was hurt and scared and didnt wanna love again. i almost killed myself 15 times in november and october due to guy#1 not loving me back (he doesnt know this). but so this guy#2 keeps saying he will make up for whateve rit is that someone did to hurt me, that he cares about me, that he wants to be there for me. hes soo nice to me. but guy#1 is also back talking to me right now. and im talking to both. and they both flirt with me an dim not flirting back because it feels wrong.
i am and always will love the first guy, ive never felt so connected to another soul. but then again that situation hurt me an dif it happened again i would actually go through with the suicide.
but what if i went with guy#2 and he wasnt right for me and i lsot the first person i have ever loved (guy1).
i love the first guy, but it hurt me so much and this other guy likes me and wants to love me but im scared and i dont know what to do because i… like both…. which is wrong. but i do like the first more becayse you know but ugh.
then, the other day (like 2 nights ago) i got into an rgument with guy1. i ended up calling him to say im sorry and i started crying, i dont know why. i was so overwhelmed by everything. he talked to me for 2 hours that night while i bawled my eyes out on facetime, and he cried too.
but i dont know. i dont fucking know.
this situation itself is makibg me suicidal all over again. and dont say “neither are right” thats not an option ok? i dont wanna lead anyone on or hurt anyone. but i also can tlet myself hurt again. idk what to do. i DONT KNOW OK? FUCK HELP ME SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE I CRY EVERY NIGHT FROM THIS PLEASE I NEED SOMEONE. id rather die.