It’s been a while since I’ve been in here hasn’t it eh? I guess the saying it won’t last forever really is true, cause here I was actually thinking I was getting better. Oh boy was I wrong.
Happy happy oh how happy I was. Right? No. Not happy. Anxious and depressed, it’s all just an act. The meds help me feel the best I’ve ever felt, and help my lows become manageable, but here I am feeling myself slipping away again.
It’s been three days worth of tears for me. Three days worth of panic. Now I’m not going to say I’d kill myself over some measly panic attacks. No. I’m talking making the realisation that good things won’t last forever. Just like the bad, although it seems like the bad is more in my favour.
I don’t like living like this. They say I have depression and anxiety. But then why do I have these “high” moments where I feel so inviciable and amazing. You’d think that’s a good thing though right? Wrong. As I said, my luck seems to shift towards the bad part.its too happy. It’s too energetic. And then before I know it I’m back down again. Look at me go, spirialing out of control again. But this time we don’t have the time for this.i don’t have the time to deal with this shit. For the first time since November, I even self harmed yesterday. I’m so incredibly weak. My walls are closing in on me again, and honestly, I don’t have the energy to fight this Again. I’m exhausted.
Oh and self isolation? Seems to be my new thing. My friends seem to have a wonderful time without me,so I’ve been isolating myself from them. Just bit by bit detaching. Yet no one seems to notice. Or care, I mean who knows these days. I sure don’t.