The choice to end my life is mine. The only thing standing in my way is my fear of failing again. I almost died in November I overdosed on aspirin which a lot of people think you cant do but you can. I almost passed out on the bathroom floor but I decided I would rather die in my bed. I regret that decision, because I got up made it to my door and vomited. Everywhere. Then for some reason let my friend who lives states away convince me to tell my parents. So basically when you OD on aspirin you go partially deaf so the whole car ride to the hospital I had tears coming down my face so pissed at myself for failing again. But my plus side was I couldn’t hear anything and that included my grandma being a **** to my grandpa about his driving but the sound faded in and out. Then we get to the hospital and like i said I WAS DEAF and my grandma made me tell the ER guy what was wrong. I COULDN’T HEAR MYSELF AND I COULDN’T BREATHE. Honestly don’t even know how the fuck he understood me but he did. Then basically they were doing everything to save me while I was puking up at first I guess food? Then blood then just straight stomach acid. Then of course my mom showed up acting like she fucking cared. But as usual I tell the nurses no family in my room and sit in there and just pout because I failed. Then the whole explain to the doctor why I did this and basically I say because I can. After all that they rush me to the ICU in a big town about 45 minutes away and I had a catheter in because I couldn’t walk or anything and that hurt like a *****. They said the only reason I lived was because of some stupid meds they gave me. I spent 3 days in the ICU and 2 weeks in the Mental Hospital across the Street. I still regret getting up i wish i never did i wish i wasn’t here to write this.

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