The future isn’t some far off thing . Its right fucking now! And I could be waiting for things to get better and hoping for a better future for days, years, or months. Its a bunch of bullshit and everyone dies it doesn’t matter when you die as long as you do. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in control of your death but also I get to die when I WANT to die. Because its MY life not my moms or my sisters or my grandparents or my friends life its MINE! and the only reason people want suicidal people to stay is more selfish than them killing themselves because you want me to stay and live through this everyday 24/7 pain that they dont have to feel seeing as none of them have the same mental illnesses i have just to spare them of feelings they dont want to feel. Its bullshit. I’m sorry that you dont want to deal with the death of a loved one but boo fucking hoo. but you only want me to stay so you feel better and so you dont have to deal with a bump in the road. you dont care how i feel and when i try to act out on it you lock me away in a hospital and make someone else deal with it so you dont have to. fucking assholes dont cry at my funeral because im happy. ill be happy dead. and you never saw i was NEVER happy alive i was never truly and genuinely happy. the shit show started when i was 4 and its going to end sometimes soon.
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Its not just a desire to avoid loss. Its a hope that things can improve and that you can stop being miserable outside of death. Some feelings and realities are completely beyond the scope of what they know how to deal with so they send you off to someone who they see as having a better chance of helping. You dont really know what could happen in the future, youre just on the side itll probably suck while they arent. Equally selfish, most likely.
I understand there are good things in life. Its not like my ENTIRE life completely sucked. I have friends and a bestfriend and I have a boyfriend and they make me happy. I have good memories with my family. But the bad memories from family members and years and years of abuse and bullying and raising my sister on my own when i was 8 because my mom is a alcoholic and then dealing with my own drug abuse and to top it all off my 3 different mental illnesses impact me more. I am completely done I have done meds and hospitals and i have had so many diffrent therapist i even did DBT. I have cut people off who were bad influences and I can admit to all the bad things i have done in my life. But there is only so much one person can do to save themselves. I am so tired of physically feeling my emotional pain and feeling sick to my stomach when thinking about waking up. If a cancer patient had done all the things they needed to do to try to get better and it wasn’t working and they said they wanted to give up their family would understand because why would they want their child or brother to suffer like that and you couldnt fix it. but im told it will get better and to keep holding on but my version of chemo isnt working anymore and i give up.
I getit, believe me. I’ve got my own shiv and silver linings. Haven’t tried hospitalizations or meds but I’ve given life an honest shot and at least tried. I think a year’s enough to wrap up business and then I’m out. Overstayed my welcome, anyway.
Its just harder for them to accept a mental disease cuz physical can be seen and more accurately charted. And its hard to give up hope when you love someone.
Ha, this post. I agree with you so much, I remember when my Father would constantly argue with me about how, “I better never kill myself as it would devastate him.” How selfish, I hate how everyone thinks they own your life and you need to live it how they feel you should. You are in control of your life, therefore no one can tell you what to do, or when to do it. We shouldn’t have to live just because someone else will be hurt if we die. As you said, I hope nobody cries at my funeral because I’ll be happy.
THANK YOU
Well, actually the definition of the future is actually NOT right now. That word would be the present. So, what you said about the future makes no sense. As far as a better future, what makes you think death will be better or that you will find happiness on the other side if you don’t finish your God-given life here? Boo hoo that people mourn the loss of their children? Just remember when you do get to the other side, you’ll want to share with the enlightened ones what you did to contribute. Saying “boo fucking hoo” that I caused them pain by dying is not going to go over very well with the creator of the universe. Good luck with that.
You’re hurting and I feel badly for your loss, but remember, this is a site for SUICIDAL people. A judgment-free, no-hate zone.
Noisefloor hit a nerve, which I am sure was not his/her intention. What was your intention here: encouragement? Love? You can vent but s/he can’t?
Please, feel free to post your own rant, start your own thread and we’ll do our best to be judgment and hate-free, to hold your hand, and hopefully help you find some sense of closure.
Well said, SweetQuietus
You dont understand what I said about the future because youre closed minded. Sorry I hit a nerve but I plan on dying so you wasted your time writing that and thats on you. I know im contributing to their pain but like i said boo hoo. Its my life and its their life and the choices they make are up to them. They didnt put the razor in my hand and I didnt force them to continue to feel like shit