I think I have enough time, since no one will be home for another few hours, I think I could. What’s worse, the problem I’m thinking of, is living or dying? I am terrified of the future, of living, but also dying and becoming nothing. So what is worse, living or dying? I want to, so badly, and I don’t know if I really want the future. I know how much pain is coming up, and there will only be more. Do my dreams even matter anymore? What, if anything, is holding me back? The answer: fear. Fear of living, fear of dying. What am I more afraid of, the living or the dying?
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I fear living far more then dying, I’ve actually come to accept dying as an infinite sleep without dreams. It doesn’t scare me anymore like it did when I was a kid, when I was programmed to believe it was bad. Dying removes all feeling and emotion from us and since I only experience pain and agony and suffering I won’t be losing anything good when I go I will simply no longer exist, there is no heaven that I’ll go to I’ll just become what I was before I was born, nothing.
Hey. I can’t help but remember your name. You wrote about how you really liked to write music, but didn’t really know how right? I write music quite often and been playing for a few years. Maybe I could help you? My email is devinbelver@yahoo.com . Or if you would just like to talk to someone, that’s cool too 🙂
I think you seem like an amazing person, don’t give up yet okay?