I’m not really sure if this will get a response. I’m just pretty lonely and need to tell someone what I plan to do.
Today I go by Daisy. They’re my favorite flowers. I’m 16, a good student, aiming for straight A’s and A*’s. I have friends, loving siblings, and great foster parents.
But my life is falling apart.
I’m at the point now where I don’t even know what to say or do. I could share my story of foster care and adoption and abuse and mental illness but it’s all been said before.
Anxiety and depression have made me so tired and worn down that I can’t study or get straight As or Bs or Cs. I’m losing my friends because I convince myself that I would rather stay in bed than to talk to them or socialize.
I’ve been low before. I tried multiple suicide attempts when I was 14. For different reasons. But at 14 you have time to recover. You have time to get help or just stay in bed. To embrace help or refuse it. Now at 16, with a month to exams, I have time for neither. I don’t have time to wait for help or to wait to get better. And I don’t have the time to stay in bed and do nothing. So I’m really stuck.
I’ve decided this is it for me. I truly believe that I have no place here. I plan on killing myself. But not in distress, not in haste. I don’t want to rush this. Nothing can go wrong. I want to come to terms with this.
8 comments
At 16 you should give yourself a chance. You’re young and you don’t know what the future will bring whether it’s good or bad. You have a lot of new experiences to live through. That’s way more than I can say for myself.
16 can suck worse than 30, 40, 50 or beyond. So you have every right to kill yourself. The only thing I can say is life changes when you move out on your own. Better, worse, who knows. Maybe you can hold on until then. I almost killed myself at 16 and im glad I failed because 18-22 were great years. Moving out on your own and taking your first trip out of the country without your parents are 2 things that I guarantee will change your attitude toward life… better or worse who knows but give it a chance.
Thankyou, right now life is a gamble and I have to place my bet.
Ps I had crappy grades in high school but SAT scores were way more important for getting into college. If you can score well on that it won’t matter if you were a C student like I was. As for friends…. you got me there. Not having friends sucks and it gets worse as you get older. You probably have more friends than most people twice your age so don’t listen to them :p
I don’t know, maybe its different in the UK. Besides that, good GCSE’s are vital for a top university and our school really doesn’t give a crap about you if you don’t get the good grades. My friends always give me crap for getting good results or whatever but I think it’d be worse when there smug because I’ve failed. And those same friends know nothing really about my life or my mental health.
Oh you’re in the UK… yea it’s probably much harder there because it’s a small geographic area with a lot of smart people. Come to the USA where it’s a big geographic area with a lot of dumbasses and it’ll be a lot easier… that’s the real reason why they call it the land of opportunity. Sounds like I’m making a joke but I’m not. japan has the same problem, way too much competition from smart people… and high suicide rates. I’m sorry I wish I had better advice
its just good to know i have someones support, whatever i do
I remember when I was 16 I was completely convinced my life was over. I hated every second. But somehow…I’m still here. I’m 20 now and sure you’re probably thinking “well you’re still on a suicide forum so you can’t be doing that great”. And you’d be right haha- I’d argue that my life is very much truly at a dead end now.
But for a few years beyond 16 it wasn’t. School was all I’d ever known back then but even just the change from school to college, was enough to give me new goals and things to look forward to. You’re at an age where so much can change. While I completely respect your decision, I think personally that you could see what lies a bit further down the road first before you’re sure. You just never know what might pop up.