Wow. What a fun and horrific 28 years this has been. Sickeningly, I wish I could say that I came from an abusive family or that I was never loved nor cared about or was disadvantaged an unable to break out of abject poverty, but that’s not the case. I was/am overprivileged, have been blessed to travel and see the world, and for the most part never wanted for anything. So where did things go wrong? Decisions.
It’s a wonder how simple decisions…one after another can lead you from a life of bliss and happiness to one of misery and regret. Regret so deep it’s impossible to recover from.
In 2011 I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis…decided I would kick its ass and for the most part I did. Began working at a massive church in 2013 serving the Lord and helping people…got married at that church a year later. That’s when things went wrong.
Foolishly left my wife for seemingly massive but ultimately inconsequential reasons, hurt her immensely, fell for another woman, got hit with an MS outburst that essentially stole my mind and left me barely unable to get out of bed. Struggle to tell if it’s the MS or massive regrets and memories that keep me asleep. Either way…now I’ve got no money, a devastated reputation, no confidence, an exhausted mind, and parents who will do whatever it takes to help me get on my feet when all I think about is how to end this thing. Went from working 20 hours a day to laying down for 22 hours a day. Haven’t worked in months and can barely hold a conversation. Too overwhelmed by my decisions and inability to think clearly. I literally cannot decide whether to bathe or not. Escapism has lost its reward. I’ve stopped talking to everyone who cares/cared about me. Lost two unbelievable women. Hate my life.
2 comments
Have you thought about getting therapy? Talking about these things to a professional can help tremendously.
Won’t help on this…don’t really wanna rehash it; just want to check out.