Everything I say or do is negative or forced or stupid or awkward or annoying. I’m just a generally shitty person and I can’t stand myself. There is a person I like but how could I ever deserve to have him like me or even deserve to want them to want me? I have no merit or value and when I try to speak my mind goes blank and I give a shitty generic response that I decide against as I say it. My friends say otherwise but what are the supposed to say? You’re shit, we hate you, just shut up? Actually some people have said this. I try everyday to be less horrible but I am, in essence a horrible person and that will never change.
I found the perfect word to describe me: histrionic.
2 comments
Yup, everything I do is stupid, awkward. Every conversation I have you’d think you were talking to some autistic retard who has no idea what to say or do or act. I laugh awkwardly and because I look ugly it makes people really wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I’m generally a pathetic, shitty, retarded person. And your exactly right, friends won’t say anything because were all supposed to be, “nice” and not say the truth like, “We hate you.” or “Go away.” so they just lie and pretend your not stupid. It’s only about finding the best method I can, I’m stuck between jumping off a high ledge/bridge or bullet shot in the head.
This will sound hypocritical but please don’t. Every life is valued