I know there’s people with even more serious problems than this.. but this is really fucking me up to the point where I do drugs and cut and just want to die. so what’s fucking me up you may ask? my past mistakes.. I had a boyfriend we dated for about 4 years I thought we were gonna last forever so i let him do stuff.. I let him take my virginity and I sent him pictures.. why? because i loved him and thats what he wanted.. I just wanted to make him happy. but after I gave him what he wanted he got abusive and overprotective and it wasn’t a healthy relationship anymore so I ended it. after I ended it.. he got idek obsessive threatening to hurt me. and I just ignored it.. later I get a new boyfriend. wonderful guy. he’s perfect way to good for me.. and I just feel so insecure when I’m with him because my ex showed and told everyone what we did.. and my new boyfriend’s friends judge him for dating a so called “hoe” but I did that stuff out of love.. I’m not a hoe.. I’ve never did anything like that with anyone else but my ex. and it’s all just coming back to me. and it’s really affecting me. I’m in deep deep depression. and I can’t tell my parents about it because I feel ashamed. I let them down.. but why me? why is everyone coming at me.. everyone thinks I’m easy now.. all they say is “you have a fat ass” “nice body” “damn I would totally hit that” and honestly that’s makes me feel so fucking dirty. I just hate myself and I hate him for doing this..
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Okay. I am not making light of what you are saying, but I want to point out something that I’m not sure you’re aware of. You are a strong, wonderful woman. He didn’t take your virginity you gave it. There’s nothing wrong with that. You ended an abusive relationship: I applaud you.
It is traumatic. You need to figure out what attracted you to that kind of man so you don’t repeat the mistake. Claim your sexuality. Claim your adulthood. Fuck what everyone else thinks about women. Sex shouldn’t be something that is “done to you”. Don’t let him steal from you the most wonderful intimacy (not to mention earth-rattling orgasms) because of his insecurity-driven need to control you.
As far as your parents? Don’t invite them into your bedroom. You’re all grown up now. Get the counseling for the relationship issue, but honey, I wish I was half as strong as you are at your age. (Another story entirely).
Get your hands on some feminist feminazi articles designed for women who face exact same situations like you in day to day life and feel guilty and stuff.
I meant women who feel guilty and self hate over things taught and done by society.
Blessed are the obvious sexist men, for, even though they are everywhere, you can see them from a mile away and avoid them.
There is a wonderful world out there where people respect each other and say nice things and even mean it. Every day you will be presented with a choice; one way leads to crappy shitheads and the other to respect. Keep you eyes and ears open and you will figure it out.
Some people find kindness and respect at church. Some people find it in school. Some in certain types of jobs. It may be slow going to get to those places but you can do it.
Men who label you as a whore are trying to make you into a thing – not human. It’s easy to abuse things. Wear your anger, compassion, fear, and love proudly. Show the world you are human.