do I fucking psychoanalyze things to the point where I drive myself in-fucking-sane? It’s always there. That retarded voice in my head saying “Oh you should’ve done this” or “You shouldn’t do that”. I feel like my head is going to explode with all the useless gibberish AND CRAP in it. Most of my thoughts are very nonconstructive and have no positive benefit to my well being at all, yet I still obsess and contemplate all day long. I really can’t take much more of this. It’s going to be a fucking beautiful day when I can just stop thinking… forever. Oh how I long for such a day. I just need to leave this Earth peacefully and swiftly… Most suicidal people have been through so much the last thing they want to experience IS MORE FUCKING PAIN! Right? I think so. God, suicide is such an inviting idea to think about. What’s not to like? It’s an ultimate release of everything you’ve ever thought of, thinking of, and are going to think of. It’s an emergency off switch for when things get too overwhelming. It takes a tremendous amount of willpower to go through with a suicide so don’t let anyone tell you it’s “for the weak” because it isn’t and it’s the furthest thing from that. I just want to be high/drunk when I exit life. I refuse to die sober and just want it to feel like a nightmare is finally ending. The sweet release of DMT should entail a nice trip when I cross over to the other side as well. Maybe there will be an afterlife? Who fucking knows. I’m agnostic. I’ll find out when I die I guess. But for the time being if there’s any God listening, I wanna tell you that you have failed horribly with your grand design and what society has become is a perversion of human instincts and fundamentals. So fuck you.