I feel like jumping out of my skin today because it’s getting harder and harder to cope with my unaware narcissistic fake ***** “oh but I’m your mother I gave birth to you” mother. It takes more than giving birth to be a mother, she really was just a stupid snotty girl in an adult body raising me. Hereditary wise she’s the reason I am the way I am. That’s not why I hate her, I hate her because of the acting like an do it all angel in front of others and a fucking mentally abusive demon behind closed doors. I heard boys with bad relationships and upbringings with there mothers have a hard developing they’re own masculinity and relationships with others girls. I never had a gf and I don’t feel mentally masculine. So it goes to show I guess. Idk I had to vent about this my mother is mental parasite and she’s too stupid and unaware to understand what she’s doing is wrong even if you tell her she’ll zone out and come with an excuse or just leave the room. God she’s just so fucking fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkxjzbzbbx I hate I hate her I hate her I hate her I have dreams thoughts urges of so many grusesome ways I can kill her but then she wins so I control myself but these urges get so strong but no she would be a martyr me a killer and the truth would forever be distorted. I can’t wait until I’m gone my head splattered at the bottom of that cliff fuck I hate waiting but it has to be my birthday I want it to remembered as something bad not good. The day of my birth and death. Fuck this I’m just so resentful this morning and tired of living another day.