Life sucks when you feel hopeless. And it’s not like people choose to be hopeless, just like people don’t choose to be depressed. It’s been a long hard decade since I’ve lost hope and my will to live. How does one live being hopeless? How does one get it back? The will to live? The *oomf and zest and desire for life? I’ve been searching for the last decade+ and nada. Nothing I’ve ever tried works. Fleeting days where it’s not so bad, and I might enjoy a few hours here and there doing activities, but nothing permanent. Nothing that really gets rid of depression or the pain inside me. Once the movie/concert/cake/whatever ends, I’m back to depressed.
2 comments
How is indeed an interesting question. I’ve been hopeless for over a year, and the flat answer so far has been sinking deeper into despair. That worked for a long time, and I’ve known it to work for longer still. When you sink into despair deep enough you lose the energy to feel like doing something. Sooner or later pretty much everything loses interest, even getting better.
Not that I recommend that option.
For me wanting to get better begins and ends with chemicals. I’m aware (oh so very well) that many chemicals and drugs don’t work. However if you eventually drift into a doctor with some experience and analytical skill they might be able to match you to an anti depressant that can help you deal with the physical symptoms.
The psychological symptoms for me persist still. Even though I possess the physical capacity to work and run my life, the outlook remains hopeless. My newly hired therapist says that is because the thought patterns of hopelessness get set in. Together we are going to try and pry them out and lay in some new thought patterns that don’t lead me towards self destruction. I don’t have hope, but I do have help.
It sounds like you want help, you want to get better. That is actually a very good thing. If you can take that drive/attraction towards health and use it to try and pull things together it might go somewhere. Otherwise, I sympathize, I’m sorry we’re all in this mess.
Yes, DESPAIR. That’s what I feel. The problem is, when you feel despair, or hopelessness, there’s no drive to get out and do anything, bc well, what’s the point? That’s really one of the root problems.