I feel like a punk. As much as I think about killing myself I wonder why I haven’t just gone through with it already. I’m only living for other people. I’ve already told people that when I die, it doesn’t matter where they bury me because I’m not sure if my family has insurance on me or not.
I only wish that my first attempt would have worked. I wish that ambien and vodka would have been the magic potion to take me out of this world. I just wish that someone would understand instead of blaming me. Today has been the worst day in a long time, I did nothing but cry and sleep. I couldn’t even imagine doing anything else.
I feel crazy, I feel like I should be locked into a mental asylum and never released. But when I think like that, it makes me believe that I would be better off dead. The hospital was the one place that I felt relaxed, I didn’t feel judged….I don’t even know why I was in such a hurry to get out. I guess I knew that the longer I stayed, the harder it would be for me to get out. I don’t think living in a mental hospital would be productive for me, but then again I’m not doing anything productive out here in the “free world.”
My only friend is in a relationship, so I constantly feel like a third wheel. I never have anyone whose sole purpose is to care about me. And want to be around me without wanting to use me. I want someone to care, ask questions, at least try to help me figure out what’s going on. Why am I not important to anyone?
2 comments
Hey again…
I’m truly sorry you’r in that much pain
I’m willing to be that person for you
but I can imagine how difficult it would be
to let a total stranger take that role
I replied to your comment in your first post
& if you ever feel ready to give me a chance
I’ll be right here
wishing you all the best
tc
i feel the same way, email me me if u need an ear ohhunter@rocketmail.com