I’m 17 and not allowed to do anything. My mom won’t teach me how to drive because she’s afraid i’m going to go out and do things or something. I dress very lame compared to my younger brother who is up to date with trends and i barely shop because my mom wants me to spend my own money on things. I barely have money because i dont have a job and i don’t get a bit of allowance anymore. I’m cooped up in the house because i was not allowed to go to parties because she didn’t know the parents and i didn’t have responsible friends to go with me. Everywhere I go is with my mom.
I don’t have boyfriends because i’m awkward and lame so any guy that is attracted to me gets bored of me and tries to use me for sex. Eventually they leave me for an actual relationship with another girl. I’m annoying and not that smart so i sound slow and really easy. I was molested several times at 8 through 9 by my step father and it messed me up. I started having suicide thoughts and dreams around 11 and at 13 i started self harm. At age 15, i tried suicide 2 or 3 times which messed up my whole GPA. Boys still wanted sex from me but i didn’t do anything but i did entertain them. Even though one boy called me “one of his hoes” infront of the class and i cussed him out for it, i still came back to talk to him because my classmates are so conceited and not friendly. Recently i started to give in because this is my junior year and nobody clearly wants me that much and i’m already embarrassed to walk these halls. I started doing as some boys asked and showed my boobs to them, and these were guys that i can trust, not some random boy.
Last night I was playing truth or dare with my guy friend and he dared me to take my shirt off and i dared him to do something silly like running around the room butt ass naked. My mom was listening to me on the other side of my room door. As soon as we hung up, my mom came in and told me. This, being at 2 am, was all kinds of awkward.
I didn’t cry because it’s not like she could think any less of me. If she did, what would change in my life honestly. She said she’s going to tell my dad (and then probably the rest of my family). My life sucks and i don’t know what to do anymore.