Why not is my answer, the question? oh that’s why should someone want to kill themselves.
I have for as long as I can recall wondered hey, what’s the point. Still, at 42 years of age I really do not get it. Some clever clogs who went to university will claim I am depressed and should take some tablets or go to therapy but that’s just an easy get out. I have done that and nothings changed.
I am as I type this neither under the influence of drugs, alcohol or any other stimulant that may alter the mind of a so called normal person so you may ask why I am writing this, my answer is why not.
Is it depression that makes me ask myself what is the point in continuing to live a life that will end the same way as others? We will all die at some point, the reason for that death will vary but the outcome is the same. As stated before doctors will tell you that you should live and that to think otherwise is wrong but I am yet to meet anyone, educated or not who has been able to give me a reason why I should live. I never asked to be born, never requested to be me and live this life it was thrust upon me many years ago and I was expected to get on with it.
I have always had an inquisitive mind that wanted to know the why’s of everything and normally someone wiser than me has always been able to give me the understanding I required but not with this question. I do not wish to continue on this path of living and it hurts me when I see people dying all over the world through illness, accidents, war or murder and wish I could have replaced them. They probably thought this existence is all that and would have given anything to carry on, I do not. Yes I have a family which I love dearly but that is not enough to continue with this charade. I do not take my own life as not to hurt anyone else but what about the hurt I feel, the waking up wishing this was the final day, the final hour of this thing called life. If I was an animal and in the same pain, although not a physical pain there would be no end to the number of people who would be willing to state it is in my best interests to be put to sleep, to end this misery but as I am a human there is no end to the number of people that are willing to tell me that I have to carry on. Why? Just because you wear a white coat does not mean you know everything, just because someone allows you to put letters after your name does not mean you are right.
Yes my thoughts will be classed by some as selfish but daily I drag myself through, pretending to be happy, trying to make others believe life is great but when I am on my own I become selfish because those thoughts reappear.
6 comments
Even if you asked the “smartest” human alive, she/he wouldn’t be able to give you a reason why you should live. No-one can give you that answer, it’s subjective. And as such, only you will be able to provide that answer. We need to make our own goals and reasons to live. After all, we all are different on some level or other.
O and welcome to SP.
You just read my mind. I seem to have similar thoughts. I’m always question life. What is point of it, and why do make humans stay out of all creatures?
You’re right none of us asked to be born, makes sense to me that we can choose to stop living. I’m 30 next bday and feel the same way. People say things will get better but ready all that happens is we get older. My dad took his life at 45. That’s how I’ve always known that it doesn’t get magically better over time.
I say if you need to go then go, if it is what is right for you.. I don’t think you selfish
You are correct when you say people claim it will get better, but those people have never walked a step in our shoes. How would they know? They don’t know the feelings we have, that every day dread
In your post you mention if you were a animal, there’d be no compunction to mercifully end you life It reminded me of a book I had read decades ago, entitled, “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?”.
Is it worth reading?