As of half an hour ago, I finished my first semester back at college (community college). Last semester, I was suicidal the whole time, just like I am now, but I didn’t care if my parents knew that I was depressed. I just wanted to die. This time, my strategy was and is to not give them enough evidence to think that I’m suicidal so I will have a head-start when I choose to go. Basically what I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to risk them knowing about how bad I am, therefor they would try to help me. This way, they won’t try to help me so I can go whenever I want. Does that make sense at all? Anyway, now I don’t have any academic distractions to help soften the blow of pain. All I can think about is my dad and how scared of him I am. WHAT DID HE DO TO ME WHEN I WAS YOUNGER? I must be blocking something out like I said in my previous post.
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You need to get far away from him… and well congratulations, honestly, on completing a semester! I’m about the same age but couldn’t handle school it’s just so hard
Well, he lives across the state, but I’m supposed to go there for a long weekend this coming weekend. The 18th-21st. I’m so scared, but the only thing scarier than my dad is the wrath that will come down on me by my stepmom. She is a master at manipulation and she has brainwashed and trapped my dad. I think one of the reasons he drinks so FUCKING much is because thats the only way he can handle the abuse from her.