Pain is all I feel

Yeah, my life is f*cked. My body constantly hurts from 3 injuries and 2 surgeries. I have two f*cked up fingers and a f*cked up wrist. This pain is overwhelming. I always feel sick to my stomach. Its feels like i have knives in those parts of my body. There is no comeback, and there is no getting out of this hole. Yeah, Im chronically ill, and I’m saying f*ck this. There’s no way I can continue living like this. My idea is creative, Suffocating myself with a rope tied to a bunch of heavy items and toss them over the stairs and just sit where you are. Tried it a couple days ago. Works perfectly. Only reason Im still here because its a b*tch to actually kill yourself. Its such a simple concept and but so hard to do because your natural instinct is to fight it.